Sapphic Voices Fan Fiction

Switcheroony

Part Two

Rating: NC17

Disclaimer: They’re not mine, I wish they were, but I know they’re not and nobody gets anything for writing or posting, except Wiffy goodness.

Feedback: Yes, please.

Authoress' Notes: After a brief relationship with Willow, Tara dropped out of college and went back to her family, so Willow is Out to the Scoobies. Buffy & Willow sharing a College Dorm room. Giles & Anya (ex-demon & Xander’s girlfriend) run the Magic Box. Faith is post coma.

Credits: Beta, translation into American and editing by Lilly.

Chapter 9

“Buffy, Willow, are you okay?” Anya asked and seeing they were she added, “Dracula?”

“Euro-trashed,” Buffy explained. She stood watching a somewhat agitated Xander glare back and forth. Willow still had a protective arm on her and somehow that one small thing made her smile, made the fear of what could have happened less.

Xander had come careening into the hall, his eyes wide. “Where is he? Where is the creep who turned me into a spider-eating man-bitch?” Xander demanded.

“Apparently Xander was also under Dracula’s thrall,” Anya said attempting to explain his behavior. “Did I tell you that he’s always had excellent taste?” she added because she had seen both Buffy and Willow hold back smirks at the idea of Dracula placing Xander under his thrall.

“No thrall,” Xander clarified, in a voice a little louder than needed. “Emissary, Okay. No thrall. Just a bug-eating Emissary.”

“He’s gone,” Willow stated.

“Damn it. You know what? I’m sick of this crap. I’m sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets funny syphilis. From this moment, it’s over. I’m finished being everybody’s butt-monkey,” Xander said, his voice rising.

“Thrall. Told you,” Anya stage whispered.

“There was NO thrall!” Xander yelled, glaring at Anya.

“Check. No thrall and no butt-monkey,” Buffy interjected, trying very hard to ignore Anya and hoping he would too.

“Well, I was just saying I could have understood you choosing to give in to his thrall. At least you weren’t all weak-minded and making time with the Dracula babes, like Giles here,” Anya stated.

“I was just about to kill those loathsome creatures when – Anya interrupted me,” Giles protested, somehow wishing Anya would go back to embarrassing Xander.

“Right, you were going to nuzzle them to death,” Anya commented.

“Of course not. I was in complete – control.” Giles blushed, something rarely seen. Quickly changing the subject Giles asked. “Willow, did the ‘slowing time’ spell work?”

“For a while.” She replied, unsure if she wanted to let everyone know that she had found Buffy dancing with Dracula.

“Good, good. I was a little worried after the ‘location’ spell failed and considering your previous inability to resist his thrall. I mean, we never really had time to finish your mental training,” Giles said, rambling on in his attempt to change the subject until he realized he was doing little or nothing to increase Willow’s self-confidence.

“His thrall wasn’t that hard to overcome once I realized something pretty basic,” Willow explained, smiling slightly.

“Really?” Giles questioned. Curious at just how the young woman had managed to defend herself. “What?”

Buffy looked at her friend and a small smile played upon her lips.

“I’m ‘Kinda Gay’,” She said smiling.

Giles looked at her oddly and then he laughed. “Of course,” he shook his head and dropped his jaw. “How simple,” he stated somewhat annoyed that he had missed such a simple mental trigger. Then he smiled, wishing he had been there to see Dracula’s face when he realized that he was facing a Sapphic Slayer. Realizing that Buffy was looking at him oddly, he opened his mouth to explain further but Anya interrupted.

“So he’s dead,” Anya asked somewhat disappointed. “You staked him.”

Buffy and Willow fell into an awkward silence that was finally broken by Buffy. “We don’t really know who staked him.”

“Someone shot a stake through the window,” Willow explained. “We thought it was Giles but it can’t have been,” she added.

“It was Faith,” Buffy stated.

“How can you know that? And why would she be helping you?” Giles asked.

“The second stake had this wrapped around it,” Buffy explained and passed the rolled up piece of paper to Giles.

Opening it, Giles read it aloud.

“’Babes in distress, in castle caught.
Standing sweetly, side by side.
New power, but no one fought?
Scared to deal, easier to hide.’”

“She’s starting to enjoy this,” Xander commented. Slightly disconcerted that Faith was still around, let alone watching them. There was the whole ‘is she crazy possibility'? But then there was the cheesy poetry. ‘Yep she’s enjoying this too much.’

“Faith’s still getting her jollies at my expense,” Buffy commented, real concern in her eyes. She felt Willow reassuringly squeeze her shoulder and suddenly whatever Faith had in store for them, she knew that they would handle - together.

* * * *

Faith had followed the rag tag rescue party across the park; at first wondering where the hell they were going. But one look at the big old castle and she figured that it surely didn’t involve going on a fun filled picnic in the park. Then she really became concerned when she realized that B wasn’t with the Scoobies. ‘Damn! It’s a rescue gig.’ Guilt ran through her and she didn’t like that much. This was meant to be her good deed, but it wasn’t going five by five and if Buffy ended up hurt…

Kicking into Slayer speed, she raced around and ahead of the Scoobies. Reaching the castle she climbed up to an upper floor window. When she gazed in she saw something that sent a cold chill to her very core. Lying on the floor was Buffy and she wasn’t moving. Faith jimmied the window and entered, moving swiftly to Buffy’s side she gazed at the woman she had so often resented and envied.

Suddenly feeling very small and inadequate she reached for her neck to check for a pulse. It was there. She watched her nostril flair – ‘She’s breathing.’ Relief washed over her and she beamed at the unconscious source of her happiness. She reached forward and brushed a stray hair from Buffy’s face. Then she heard a slight murmur – she was – ‘No?’ Buffy was asleep?

‘What the hell is going on?’ she asked as she looked around the room. Then she heard a noise. Unsure where it was coming from and knowing that the Scoobies could burst in at any moment she retreated back to her entry point. Being found by the side of an unconscious Buffy wouldn’t play very well with the Scoobies. She didn’t like leaving Buffy but she wasn’t going far. She lowered herself onto the balcony below the window and looking over her left shoulder she spotted just what she needed.

The tree gave her a clear view of the room. She retrieved her crossbow and bolts from her bag. She watched Dracula re-enter the room and keeping her bow trained on him, she watched as he danced with Buffy. ‘Where the hell are the Scoobies?’ She was beginning to think she had made a mistake when before her eyes the pair seemed to freeze and Willow entered the room. ‘Magics’, Faith determined. The witch was in the game.

She relaxed, watching Dracula perform before the pair, who seemed unmoved and unconcerned by his movements and then a small smile crossed her face she reached into her bag and pencilled a little message for the dumb duo. She was going to enjoy this. When she looked back up, she was dumbstruck. They both appeared to be drinking from him. This had gone far enough. She took aim and, once she had a clear shot, she fired.

‘Dusted! Some talents never fade.’ A smug smile washed over Faiths face. She had just saved the love-dumb duo. As she watched them drop to the floor and she wrapped her hastily scribbled message around the next bolt and fired it into the room. “Guys, you are the dimmest ‘love muppets’. EVER!” she quietly exclaimed.

* * * *

Willow had insisted that she take Buffy home, leaving Giles, Xander and Anya to return their weapons to the Magic shop. The Slayer/Witch had informed Giles in no uncertain terms that there would be no further attempt at the ‘vision quest’ tonight, because of what Buffy had just been through.

As they walked back to the dorm across the campus grounds neither one of them spoke. Willow kept a protective arm around the ex-slayer as they walked. Crossing the car park Willow thought that she heard something and turned just in time to see the large stone that struck her forehead, knocking her out. When Buffy felt the arm that had been around her fall, she turned and her heart sank as she saw Willow crumple to the floor. Coming towards her were three female vampires, attired as if from the Hammer extra’s lot. ‘The Sirens.’ She focused all of her protective instincts and anger at the trio approaching her.

Instinct took over and Buffy took her familiar stance preparing for their attack. Then reality struck home. She had no slayer strength. She was no match for one vampire, let alone three. Glancing at her unconscious friend, fear washed over her, fear for Willow. ‘How can I protect her?’ Feeling the fear beginning to rise within in her, she shook it off with what remained of her will power. ‘Willow needs my protection’.

The approaching vampires hissed as they moved towards her. Recognizing her stance they seemed to laugh before they commenced their attack. In a blur of movement too fast to observe, Buffy was suddenly surrounded by the three female vampires who treated her like a kitten would a ball of string, cuffing away her attempted blows with smiles and laughter, tripping her, punching her, slapping her and finally throwing her to the floor where she lay gasping for breath, her body and ego, bruised and humiliated.

The three left her to regain her breath, and although eager to play further with the ex-slayer, they instead to moved to surround Willow. But the sight of Willow, unconscious and vulnerable, surrounded by deaths minions simply helped to fire a fierce determination of will within Buffy. She felt a new unfamiliar power rising within her. It seemed to be building from her very core, aflame and yet it held an ice-like quality that centered and bound it to her will. She stilled herself and stared at Willow. Her very core seemed to re-align as if a magnet was focusing her will and drawing it out of her.

As the trio lowered themselves to Willow, Buffy knew they would not hurt her, they would not drink from her, they would not kill her. She would stop them. Buffy tried to move, to get to Willow, to protect her, all the while knowing that she would never reach her in time. She screamed within her very soul and involuntarily stretched out her hand as if to pass her help, her will, her strength, and her prayer to her secret love. A prayer that she, herself, should fall; that she should die - for that was her destiny, NOT WILLOW’S!

She felt her will leave her with such force, such ferocity that it seemed to burn her insides as it left her. She ignored the pain, forcing her anger, her rage, her will and the very soul of her need towards them. Towards those who threatened her Willow.

Somehow unsurprised, she saw a wall of fire rise to surround Willow, burning the trio of sirens where they stood. Their screams filled the air as they combusted, falling as dust to the ground. Then it died, its flames wilting, extinguishing itself, until all that lay before her was Willow. Her Willow. Safe.

Buffy felt something wet against her face, ‘I’m crying?’ She reached to her face to wipe the tears away but as she looked at her hand she saw not tears but blood, her blood. Her nose was bleeding? She became extremely light-headed as she tried to move towards Willow and thinking she had heard a noise, she lifted her eyes to look towards her dear, dear friend. Pleased, she smiled to see Willow’s questioning eyes open. ‘She’s safe. Willow’s safe. My Willow.’ She thought with relief as she gave into the exhaustion that engulfed her. ‘So tired. Just need to rest for a moment.’ Closing her eyes, she decided to just rest her head for a while on her outstretched arm.

* * * *

As Buffy regained consciousness she thought she was floating. But no. She was being carried. She was in Willow’s arms, being carried with her own slayer powers. ‘How weird is that.’ And they were moving down a dorm corridor. She tried to raise her head to see exactly how much further Willow would have to carry her but she found herself unable to find the energy to do so. She murmured in frustration.

“We’re nearly there, Buffy. It’s okay, we’ll be there soon … it’s okay. Did I say that? As if getting pelted with stones could be okay.” She huffed in disgust. Then seeing that Buffy was trying to move she advised her friend. “Give it a while. Don’t try moving your head; its probably pounding. I know mine was. How many rocks did you get hit with anyway? You’re covered in bruises,” Willow stated, the concern obvious in her voice. She was certain that Buffy could have only been hit so many times if she had been trying to shield her. “If I ever get hold of those kids, those SOBs, those ignorant … I’ll turn them sixteen shades of black and blue. Stoning! Hello; not in the dark ages. For heaven’s sake we’ve landed on the moon, we have Internet banking, female senators, cell phones, test tube babies, microwave pizza, bubble bath …. Stoning a witch????? I’m so reporting this to the university board.”

Buffy, smiled at the absurdity of the conversation Willow was having with herself; well to be honest it was more of a tirade, a babbling tirade. But smiling just made her face ache; so she stopped, deciding it was enough to smile inside only.

Willow obviously had no idea what had happened, what Buffy had done – ‘Hey. I did magic!’ she recalled. ‘I did - oh my god, the switch – ohhh no.’ Shock took over and the world faded away again.

* * * *

In Los Angeles, two weeks earlier Cordelia was talking to Wesley, Angel and Faith -describing her conversation with a D-list starlet who had been silly enough to cross her path in last season’s matador jacket.

“Any how, I told her… purple, so last season. If the cut didn’t … Ow … hell!” Cordy cursed as her balance went, her sight faded and the scene before her blurred. With little warning she was thrown into a sequence of short scenes, snap shots, moving so fast in real time yet so slowly in her head.


Spike is sitting in the shade on a loading bay, as Buffy leaves the back door of the magic shop. He announces his presence. “I was gonna go inside, but I overheard you and the Super-friends exchanging a special moment and I came over a bit queasy.”

Buffy wiped her hair out of her face but doesn’t appear to be listening to him.

Deciding to bait her, he adds “Say, aren't you leaving a hole in the middle of some soggy group hug? Joining the Wiccan love fest and all that.”

“I just wanted a little time alone,” Buffy explained, finally acknowledging him. She walks over and sits on a near-by packing crate.

“Oh right then,” Spike says standing. He starts to walk away but when he reaches the border of the shadow that had once given him access to the loading bay, he realizes it has moved and that he can no longer leave the alley without walking into the sunlight. He stops and squints at the sky.

Watching him, Buffy removes his problem. “That’s okay. I can be alone with you here.”

“Thanks ever so,” Spike replies to the backhanded insult, passing her a rueful smile.

“Right.”

“Buff? …Slayer? Are you okay?” Spike asks, resuming his seated position.

She looked up, realizing Spike was still there. Uncomfortably she gets up and walks to the same shadow and sunlight divide. Pausing she answers him, never turning to meet his gaze. “Everything I feel, everything I want to have ... this is Hell. Just getting through the next moment … and the one after that ... Watching her ... being with her… knowing what I've lost... What I can never have.” Buffy fell into silence.

Spike gave her a very knowing look. Sadness, resignation and understanding seemed to fill his eyes. As she turned she must have recognized his thought because she spoke with such conviction, such determination... “She can never know. Never.”

**
Spike grinned and leered at Buffy. “We have to talk,” he told her as she moved away from him.

“About what?”Buffy spat.

“Oh god, don’t get all prim and proper on me. I know what kind of girl you really are,” Spike responded smirking at the Slayer. “ Don’t I?”

“I’ll just have to get my jollies fightin’ demons,” Buffy informed him in a very off hand manner.

Spike suggestively replied,“There are other ways …”, presenting himself.

“And to that -- an extreme see you later,” Buffy responded, walking away.

“You’re a tease, you know that Slayer?” Spike yelled.

She rolled her eyes but continued.

“Get a fellow’s motor running with secret sexy knowledge, put kinky pictures in his head, let the sexual tension marinate a couple of days, all big with the sharing, then bam. Crown yourself the ice queen,” Spike added as she moved out of sight. “It’s only a matter of time before you realize I’m the only one here for you pet. We both got tensions that need releasing. You got no one else!”

**
Buffy entered a bedroom where Willow was relaxing on the double bed. “Hey,” She smiled. “How you doing?”

Willow sat up. “Oh. Uh … Okay.”

“Yeah?” Buffy questioned planting herself on the bed opposite Willow.

“Yeah,” Willow affirmed. “No parades and cotton candy but … okay.”

“Will, um … Can I talk to you about something?” Buffy asked somewhat nervously.

“Of course,” Willow replied.

“Right. Okay. Um … you know how we all make choices? And sometimes they’re easy, and … sometimes they’re …less easy,” Buffy said, uncharacteristically stumbling over her words.

“Uh-huh.”

“Well, lately, I, uh…that is, I’m finding one choice…less easy,” Buffy said, looking at Willow as if she should understand what she was talking about.

“Right... Slayer stuff?” Willow guessed. “Though not really a choice is it?”

“No well … “

**
“Look, I’m sorry, okay?” Buffy said sincerely to Spike.

“But...” Spike began to object.

“But … when I … you know I was thinking about Willow… Right?” Buffy said, trying to be as clear as she was able to be.

“You know, I always wondered about you two before you let on, ” Spike said smirking.

“What?” Buffy questioned, suspicion in her eyes. Realizing he was teasing her - her look quickly turned to hatred. “You’re a thing. An evil, disgusting thing.”

**
Buffy kicks Spike and he flies into the living room. Spike stands as she enters the room. “Poor little lost girl.” He taunts, jumping up to grab the chandelier. Swinging towards Buffy to plant both of his feet in her face. She goes down. “She doesn’t fit anywhere. She’s got no one to love her.”

Buffy gets up and grabs him, throwing him against the staircase leading upstairs, smashing it to bits. “Me, I’m lost? Look at you, you idiot! Poor Spikey. Can’t be human, can’t be a vampire. Where the hell do you fit in?” She laughs. “Your job is to kill the slayer. But all you can do is follow me around making moon eyes.”

“I wasn’t planning on hurting you.” Spike informed Buffy, as he lifted her up to look in her face. “Much.”

“You haven’t even come close to hurting me,” Buffy retorted.

“Afraid to give me a chance?” Spike jibbed.

Buffy broke his hold on her throat, throwing him against a wall with such force that plaster leaves it in chunks. She grabs him as he tries to gather himself, pushing him against the wall. “You afraid I’m gonna…tell?”Spike says laughing ,”Just what’s that worth?”

“You’re evil…” Buffy began.

“Hello. Vampire!” Spike reminded her.

**
Buffy is in her bathroom wearing only a bathrobe. Spike stands smiling in the doorway. She yells at him to “Get out.”

“We need to talk,” he tells her.

“No. We really don’t,” she responds.

“This isn’t just about you - - as much as you’d like it to be,” he reminds her. “You should never have told me … but I think you wanted me to know… wanted me to have this over you.”

“I wouldn’t. Why would I want this?”

“Why?” he asked hopefully. “This way you can let me do stuff and it’s not your fault. You like being treated like this.”

“No I don’t.”

“Why do you keep lying to her? To yourself?” He looked at her, willing her to agree to his next statement. “You won’t admit it but you need me … because you can’t have her.”

“I could never like or trust you enough.”

“Trust is for old marrieds, Buffy” Spike replied, laughing at her denial. “Your great secret love has done nothing but hurt you. I think you like the pain. We could have passion, danger, something that burns and consumes.”

“Until there’s nothing left. That kind of thing doesn’t last.”

Spike moved forward to try and kiss her. She gently pushed him away. “Let yourself feel it…” he urges her, becoming more forceful in his approach, touching, stroking her. “Just what would she think, if she knew…” he threatens.

At his words, fear fills Buffy’s face. He takes this opportunity to invade her robe with searching hands. “Stop it,” Buffy orders him, batting away his insistent hands.
“You need me to hurt you … so you should fight just a little,” he states, reaching between her legs. “I know you better than you know yourself.”

“Don’t,” Buffy pleads, stumbling backwards. She reaches out and grabs the shower curtain to steady herself and stop herself from falling. But the curtain rings pop and its flimsy support is gone. She falls, hitting her back on the side of the bathtub. Gasping in pain she slides to the floor, hits her head on the edge of the bath and is dazed.

In that moment Spike is upon her, pinning her to the cold tile floor, oblivious to her pain. Forcing his kisses upon her. “Let it go…. admit you like it. When I’m inside, you feel it too,” he states.

“Stop it … please … stop.” Buffy begs. She seems unable to stop him. And Spike doesn’t appear to be listening to her pleas.
**

As she came back, Cordy couldn’t believe what she had just seen. ‘No! Oh my god.’ Opening her eyes she saw two concerned faces, Wesley and Angel. ‘Okay who caught me?’ she wondered.

From behind her Faith asked, “C, you okay?” The dark-haired slayer was more than a little unnerved by the vision-fainting Cordelia. Okay so Angel had brought her up to date on the whole vision thing, but somehow the reality of the situation was not at all the walk in the park she had pictured for the Queen C.

“”Water?”

“There was water? Sea? Lake? River?” Wesley asked eager to help.

Looking at him as if he was a fool she clarified her question. “No. A drink of water. Geez,” Cordelia said irritably. Her head was still spinning and she was relieved that Faith was still holding onto her. She had no doubt that the moment Faith released her, her remaining upright body parts would simply join the rest of her on the floor.

“Ahh, yes. Sorry,” Wesley said as he rushed off to rectify his mistake.

“Who was it?” Angel asked, recognizing the look on her face as concern for someone she knew.

“Buffy,” Cordelia replied, pain and fear in her voice. She saw the immediate need to go to the Slayer in his eyes. “Some time in the future, not any time soon. I’m pretty sure about that. I think it was a warning of what could happen. We’ll need to send someone to warn her. It’s not the kind of thing you can talk about over the phone.” Angel looked at her questioningly. “Girl stuff,” She supplied, really hoping he’d let it go at that for now. She needed time to think about what she had seen. Angel’s face relaxed somewhat but he didn’t back down.

‘Oh boy. Thanks. This is just what I need right now,’ Cordelia thought, willing her thoughts to the powers that be. ‘Tell broody his “ex” now bats for the other side. You couldn’t just give this one to me, when he was … oh I don’t know …somewhere else?’

Chapter 10

Buffy heard the call, the song, the laughter, the joy, the lure, the dream as well as the vain the fight to remain.

‘To hover over awareness, yet never want it to be.
Heavenly slumbering, in hazy, cloudy, spring thoughts.
Fluttering, eyes gasping at the air, like wings mid-flight.

No discrimination against, no organization within.
Sleep lingers a while, then attempts to leave you alone.
Like a beautiful drug, its scent is left, an elixir in bloom.

Defying time, in the faded corners of untold dreams.
A beautiful fairy tale, an untold gem, its light filters away.
Under the sudden canopy of light bright awakening, noises are felt.

Rolling, denial, diving back in, hoping for more.
But it is ended; it goes, leaving a vulnerable mind naked.
It will not come again, till night is drawn, on the striking sky.’


And so the bright light and awakening scratched at Buffy’s eyelids but the silken warmth of her bed called her back to slumber. Buffy murmured in contentment, safety, peace and home, fighting its arrival. The warmth surrounding her seemed to reach into her heart and still its normally alert nature; thoughts of morning and waking up banished.

She felt so connected to the world. Everything around her seemed to be exuding some level of energy and she was bathing in it. The energy next to her seemed the strongest. It was welcoming, not overpowering, and somehow familiar to her.

Buffy didn't want to wake up. She liked this feeling of safety that surrounded her; the warmth and the peace. But she knew it was time. She couldn't hide any longer.

Memories of last night washed over her. She recalled saving Willow; the sheer force that left her; the drained feeling. And yet she had never felt so alive, so connected.

Moving into the waking world, she noted the weight of arms surrounding her - Willow’s arms. She had slept in Willow’s arms all night. A feeling of bliss came over her and more than ever she didn't want to awaken, she didn’t want to move. She wanted to savor this feeling. Involuntarily she sighed and snuggled into the embrace, still half awake and, therefore, unaware of how her actions appeared. The arms tightened reassuringly around her. It felt so right.

* * * *

Faith felt foolish; like a naughty child. The feeling amused her as she peeked down from her vantage point at the edge of the suspended ceiling. She had worked her body half way into the room with the center of her weight on the separating corridor wall, one tile slightly pulled back to give her the view she was now enjoying.

Anyone walking down the corridor would have seen her legs dangling from the ceiling tile she had removed to get to her vantage point. But she didn't care about the risk she was taking. It was still before eight and the dorms residents were enjoying their Saturday ‘sleeping in’.

The sight before her was worth the risk. Willow was cradling Buffy in her arms; both asleep. She found herself smiling to herself with such satisfaction. But then she realized that they were still clothed. Nothing had happened!

‘What on earth is it going to take to bring these two together?’ Faith was stunned by how they could be so cowardly; so brave and yet so afraid. No wonder they were such an easy target for the underworld and all things evil. They wouldn’t even acknowledge to themselves that they were each other’s Achilles’ heels as well as each other’s ‘one and only’. It was amazing they had both stayed alive this long.

These two were meant to be together. Any fool could see that. Besides how perfectly at ease they were with each other right now, there was the emotional connection they had had for years. But Faith was at a loss. What more could she do? What would break this stalemate?

* * * *

Willow felt Buffy stir and although she thought to release her, as the blonde snuggled into her and sighed, Willow lost all desire to let go. She had slept only intermittently, waking up at each movement, afraid the nose bleeds would start again -- or the ramblings. She felt stupid. How could she have thought stoning could have done this? It was magic; only magic and its use by an untrained witch, unchained magic could have caused this. She knew that from experience. She remembered how Tara had held her, soothed her, held tissues to her nose.

She knew that beside her lay a large pile of blood soaked tissues. Buffy had moved in and out of reality, sometimes speaking, sometimes just staring off into the distance and then the blood would fall from her nose. Willow couldn’t quite believe how terrifying this sight was to her. She had seen Buffy bleed before but never like this; never because of her.

It hadn’t occurred to her that some of her magics could have transferred, no, stayed with her body. She thought that they were part of her, of her soul, her spirit, her mind. How foolish she had been. So much of the magic was in the blood. Her blood remained with her body, as it appeared some of her magic had and Buffy, not realizing this, had somehow tapped into that magic.

She listened to the object of her affection hovering at the edges of sleep, her face so peaceful and content. ‘She belongs in my arms’.

Buffy heard Willow sigh. Her half-awake disposition removed her natural instinct to stay silent. Without opening her eyes, she asked quietly, “What time is it?”

Willow stiffened at her words. The realization that she was awake and probably had been for some time disturbed Willow. “Around quarter to eight,” she replied, somewhat pleased that even in Buffy’s drowsy state she hadn’t pulled out of her arms. She felt such a high at the knowledge that Buffy obviously saw nothing wrong with Willow holding her.

“Good. No reason to get up yet,” Buffy said with obvious relief and then sighed re-settling into Willow’s arms. “Thanks. S’nice,” she mumbled.

“No problem,” Willow responded. She was desperate to ask questions, to find out what Buffy was thinking but she also feared losing the moment.

* * * *

Faith saw their lips move but couldn’t quite make out the words. It was almost eight and the dorm would soon be awakening, Saturday or not. She wished she had packed a small camera. The fun she could have had with a photo of the dumb duo greatly amused her.

Pulling back the ceiling tile, she slowly maneuvered herself back over the separating wall and dropping down into the corridor. She stepped back up, using a well positioned trash can, and pulled back the ceiling tile.

As she moved off down the corridor, her mind planned and plotted, throwing out ideas as quickly as they occurred to her.

* * * *

When Buffy and Willow finally decided to move they smiled shyly at each other. Somehow comfortable and yet at the same time slightly uncomfortable. Buffy had made a run to the bathroom and when she returned she noticed that Willow had made coffee for them.

“Thanks,” she said taking her cup from Willow’s hand.

“How’re you feeling?” Willow asked.

“My head hurts; feels fuzzy and kind of heavy. But somehow I feel very alive,” she said, her face asking if it was the magics.

“The magics,” Willow agreed.

“Geez. You get this feeling every time?” Buffy wondered, somewhat envious.

“Nah. Well sometimes. Well usually only after a really big spell,” Willow explained.

“So that ‘far-away, happy with the world’ look you get now and again is a magic hangover?” Buffy asked, somewhat amused. “Don’t let Xander know. He would soooo wanna have a go.”

“He’d only end up with a bunny’s tail or ears or some such. Anya would be so not amused,” Willow said, smirking.

It occurred to Buffy that she was a novice herself and she turned to look at her own rear, then raised her hand to check her ears.

“You’re clear,” Willow assured her, laughing. “You’re in my body and it’s used to doing the magics.”

“Yeah, right,” Buffy acknowledged somewhat less than convinced that she wasn’t going to pay for using magic at some later time. “Phew, don’t need anymore body changing stuff right now.” If life with a witch had taught her anything it was that there was always a big price to pay for doing big magics. She put down her cup, pausing to smile in relief at Willow, and then moved to Willow’s closet to find something to wear.

Silence fell as Willow watched to see what she chose. She had been mentally noting Buffy’s choices, figuring Buffy was choosing the things that she liked to see Willow in; talk about a heads up. But once Buffy began to change she averted her eyes, allowing Buffy some privacy as usual. Having to wear each other’s clothes had at first seemed weird. But they seemed to have long forgotten that particular weirdness amid the many others that had crowded around them after Faith’s little visit.

Buffy thought about the night before -- her failure to protect Willow’s body against Dracula, her failure to protect it against the sirens and Faith’s silly little poem. She longed to return things to their normal order, to regain control of her body, to resolve the problem that Faith had raised before them. But to be able to protect Willow again; to be in control is what she wanted more than anything. She hated feeling like a dead weight.

Fully dressed Buffy returned to her cup of coffee. She knew that this was the perfect opportunity to talk to Willow but the words seemed to stick in her throat. She looked over at Willow, deep into the book she was reading. Strange though it was to be looking at herself she knew from the feeling within her whom she was gazing upon. She knew that she would lay down her life for this woman. One small, possibly uncomfortable, conversation was a small price to pay to keep her safe.

She knew the life of a Slayer and although she had to admit that Willow had more than risen to the challenge, she was not willing to let her best friend live with her life expectancy and the continual risk. To live with the constant typical challenges to have a normal life, to plan, to wish, to dream. She wanted all those things and more for her Willow.

"Willow, we need to talk," Buffy said, her voice somewhat shaky.

"I know," she replied automatically but none the less Willow didn’t have a clue of just where to begin. "It's just so … weird.”

“Weird?” Buffy said, trying to hide her hurt feelings.

“I mean … spooky weird … not icky weird … are we in the ‘twilight zone’ weird. I mean you were okay with the ‘kinda gay’ thing … well eventually. For that I was kinda relieved … I’d heard of some bad things happening when girls came out to their friends. But we were okay … we just never really did … detail. Not as in detail but. you know, the telling, the soppy stuff," Willow stumbled, unsure how she felt about even having this conversation. How could she keep from saying ‘I will make love to you, not because I must but because I love you'?

Willow was so scared that the longer this went on the more danger Buffy's life would be in. She had seen Xander having to hold her back, her instinct to fight so great that sooner or later her urge would prove fatal. Then there was her uncontrolled use of the magics. She was willing to do anything to prevent Buffy being hurt further or killed which meant getting this slayer power back where it belonged.

"I didn't wanna pry into your private … you know," Buffy explained. She couldn’t exactly say that just the thought of Tara being with Willow had driven her nuts; that she had only been nice to the girl to please Willow and from fear of losing her. Knowing that Tara was the detail to which Willow was referring made the old jealousy rise within her. She had avoided this talk for so long.

"You weren’t freaked into not asking? I did wonder if that was an issue remembering how we used to talk when I was going out with Oz," Willow said with a very goofy smile.

"No Will," Buffy said. And as if a window had opened she realized that this was where to begin. "Well maybe a bit. It was all so new for you. I didn't have a frame of reference, no ‘kinda gay’ experience. Didn’t know if the whole first date marshmallow stuff still applied … you know … with a girl; how the whole wooing thing worked. I was afraid I wouldn't know what to say, trip over my own tongue and say something stupid," Buffy finished, feeling very foolish as she looked back at how their friendship had changed; how after that first talk she had avoided all relationship talks with Willow.

"Oh Buffy, I didn't have anything to base it on either. And I didn't know how you would react. I was a little afraid that you wouldn't cope; that the detail was just a step more than you could deal with. You know 'hey I'm okay with you being gay, but don't rub my nose in it’ kinda thing."

"Will!" Buffy exclaimed, shocked that she could have feared that response from her. "Nothing you could ever say or do could change how I feel about you. Honest. I am so not gonna judge … hello my scorecard."

"Thanks, I guess I know that now. Not the scorecard … I mean the … I understood yet still talking,” She huffed, annoyed at her own babbling. “Back then I was as unsure of myself as I was of anyone else. I'd heard such horror stories. You know, about girls who came out … nasty stuff," Willow sighed. "It all seems pretty silly stuff now considering the ‘scarries’ we usually deal with but it … I was so afraid you guys would change."

"I'm sorry I didn't realize what you were going through. Maybe I could have been more supportive; asked possibly dumb but friendly questions."

"How could you have? I didn’t give anyone an opening. I was busy winning an Oscar for the role of ‘strong gay, out and proud girl’ proving we're all pretty much the same. Not large with the pride marching and pretty much careful in public,” Willow blushed at the thought of her innocence, what a ‘walk all over me’ wall-flower she had been. “No one knew how hard I found it - not even Tara."

Somehow that made Buffy felt much better as a friend but more sorry for Willow. "So what freaked you out the most?" She asked partially hoping to make up for her past failures as a friend and partially for herself. She needed to lighten the mood.

Willow laughed at Buffy’s possibly dumb question and casting her mind back she replied, "Not being able to tell everyone I cared about … how great it felt to know what I wanted and yet how nervous I was. What it felt like, what I didn't enjoy, what I did. How unbelievably scary it was," She laughed. “How wonderful that first night felt.”

Buffy felt her heart tighten sharply. She was so terrified. Her fear of having to compete with Willow’s first night was tremendous. How could anyone hope to compete with a first night as obviously blissful as theirs had been? With a man she had been nervous enough about her abilities … but with a woman … with her best friend.

Gradually through much rambling and shy but careful questioning, they finally caught up and Buffy realized how hard it had been for her normally shy friend to live with so many people making assumptions, feeling that they knew who she was – that ‘newly gay’ girl. Having to find the strength to cope from within, feeling that it wouldn’t be fair to ask your friends for support on the issue of her choice of lifestyle. Hiding what she was going through from her parents.

Buffy knew there was very little she could do about the past. She couldn’t go back in time and fight that battle for Willow but she could listen and be there for her now and in the future. She made a vow to defend and stand by not only the body of her Willow but also her heart and soul. She would never let anyone make her beloved feel unwelcome, excluded or uncomfortable ever again. She would celebrate her Willow and all her choices and, dammit, so would the Scoobies.

Slowly the conversation moved to how different her new relationship with Tara had been to the one she had had with Oz. Buffy desperately wanted to ask about the vision but she felt sure that now was not the time. Needing to move the subject along before she let the question out Buffy asked, "So how different was it - sleeping with a woman?"

"It just … sort of flowed. No research, no books, you'll be pleased to know; though the books do exist. It just felt natural … to do what you felt. No strange other body to navigate. But pressure to know … what to do … ‘cause your female. That's big too. Like you know how yours works … so expert – not. I’ve still only slept with one woman … not like … no matter what Anya thinks … and then … you know, got well- read." Willow finished, needing to drop that land mine in plain sight as she remembered how Tara had reacted to the expectations she had had. There had been a long late night chat and she had left somewhat shame-faced.

Buffy laughed. She was kind of reassured by Willow’s admission and replied, "I’m kinda relieved … not exactly large with the being well-read in that area … or the other … not my usual reading material. I’ve cleared that up right? Guess we'll just feel our way." Realizing how her choice of words sounded she blushed. "I meant take it easy … go with the flow … no pressure."

"Agreed," Willow said, greatly relieved. Angel was a 200 year-old man, well-read on the subject was a given. Competing was not her style. She didn't need the pressure. She’d had exactly two lovers from either side of the fence and she was now well-read enough to know that both had been pretty tame, even square.

"Will, I know that Anya's theory is just to do it. But talking and being honest - it helps," Buffy added very nervously. "Does the idea … of us … wig you out?" She could hardly look at Willow. 'God, you just asked your best friend, your best gay girlfriend, if she finds the thought of making love to you repulsive.’ Freaking scared, let alone wigged, didn’t even begin to cover how Buffy felt as she waited for Willow’s answer.

"I know that even the on-line covens agree with her," Willow paused, considering how best to respond to Buffy’s question. "Buff … many levels … you’re my best friend. So I guess that given that … feeling kinda odd is probably normal. Plus there's the whole being in the wrong body spell thing. Therapy could become an issue for both of us. But no. I wouldn't say wigging. We have to fix this. Then we get to hurt Faith. Right?"

"Sooo Right," Buffy agreed, somewhat relieved by Willow’s response.

"Are you wigging?" Willow asked, as her Psych 101 kicked in.

"My wigging out also exists on many levels - wrong bodies, no book reading, everyone knowing what we must have done if it works, the possibility of losing my best friend ‘cause we get weird afterwards. Just your average stuff," Buffy ended and immediately wished she'd stayed silent. Willow looked wide-eyed with fear. Something she had said had sent her into a 'deer caught in headlights' face. "Will?"

Willow’s mind raced. 'Everyone will know! Know what we did … what I did to Buffy! What if Buffy does go weird? What if I can't cope with just once? What if Anya asks me if Buffy was any good? Or if she asks Buffy if I was any good? Oh goddess,' she began to panic, fear of ‘the what ifs’ washing over her. Her breathing tightened and she began to gasp.

"Will?" Buffy, her voice filling with concern, "Talk to me. Will?" She could see that Willow was spooked by something she had said. “Breathe. Slowly.” But what was it that she had said? She rewound her comments. 'Oh no,' she thought. “Will, I promise you that we will not go weird. Nothing will change between us. I wouldn't let that happen." Then something else occurred to her. “Not one stupid ‘I know what you did last night’ remark will be made. I promise.”

"How can you promise that?" Willow gasped, her fear evident as she fought to regain her breathing. "That could be just why Faith’s doing this. She must know it would change everything."

"Well then, she's wrong. You know how I feel about you. We have a bond. We have friendship and loyalty that binds us; closet contents and other ‘never tell upon pain of death’ secrets, you know. This would just be two dear friends, two very dear friends, helping each other as usual." She almost said, she wanted to say that it would be like a gift but that would have been too close to home. "Why would we wig out about a best friend helping her best friend? Let’s face it – we’d get angrier if we couldn’t help each other."

Willow smiled at that, recalling how pissed Buffy had been with Xander for holding her back. Never mind how annoyed she herself had been when Buffy had left that summer; how she had felt at not even being given the chance to help her. And their arguments about the side-kick issue.

"See," Buffy said, as she saw Willow accepting her words. "We can do this and there will be little, if any, wigging."

"Yeah, okay. But how do we get around the being in each other’s bodies … not being funny … icky. The whole 'hey I know my way around' thing ‘cause its mine … useful, but freaky much? How do we cope with seeing who, what we're touching?" Willow asked. She just knew this was going to get weird. She had dreamed of this, of making love to Buffy - but they had been in the right bodies, what belonged to who. This had not been an issue.

"No lights. We can't see if there's no light," Buffy suggested somewhat relieved that Willow had raised the issue. She had thought of the solution yesterday. Besides she was kinda way freaked at the idea of kissing herself.

"Okay, no lights. Yeah, that will help. What about, do's and don’ts?" Willows asked, feeling they were getting somewhere and suddenly wearing her ‘this is a math puzzle to be solved resolve’ face.

"Like?" Buffy asked but Willows raised eyebrow answered her question. "Right … Yes, I see. Well, as I'm not sure exactly how … you know … what’s involved in ... Look, you tell me."

"Oh, yeah. Right. ’Cause I took Anya, the mad sex originator of this theory, to one side and said ‘excuse me Anya but could you please describe in detail the sexual acts that you think we would have to perform to break this curse’," Willow said dryly.

Buffy tried not to laugh. "Yeah, okay that would have been way weird." She tried to get her mind away from the very funny image playing in her head - Anya as Dr. Ruth detailing the sexual positions required to fulfill her definition of ‘orgasm buddies’ to Willow. She bit her lip to hold in the giggle that was trying to escape.

Willow glared at her. "Look, I could probably email Kira in the Gia coven. She's really nice and understanding, and I'm pretty sure she'd avoid making me feel like a fool for asking," she offered. "Best we know as much as possible."

"And you said no reading up was required," Buffy said, a more relaxed smile spreading across her face. She now knew that they could do this.

As their discussion progressed, do's and don’ts were agreed upon, a time set and finally, with the use of Will's trusty laptop, a list of the ‘orgasm buddy’ top twenty qualifiers received. The sheer length and detail of Kira's list had made Willow blush. But Buffy had read it with a ‘matter of fact’ face that gave nothing away, identifying the items she could and asking for the explanation of those she didn't.

The nervous tension that this inevitably raised was somehow lightened when they came across two listed items that neither of them could identify or explain and Willow, somewhat relieved that the ignorance was not just hers, turned to the Internet to find the answers. This proved a big mistake because upon entering the words into Google and hitting "go" -- porn pop-up boxes filled her screen with images of naked women, posing and offering very private views of themselves. As Buffy leaned over her shoulder Willow panicked and slammed the laptop shut. "I'll email Kira. Later," Willow stated as her face became inflamed in blushes.

* * * *

Buffy had checked in with Giles and then left Willow to email Kira. She was pretty sure that without her in the room, Willow would be saved further blushes. Plus she was a little less than comfortable herself since both eagerness and fear were building. She realized that there were things that she needed to get clear in her head.

She headed to a place that would have put a broad smile to Willow’s face - the library. She needed peace, quiet and Internet access.

As she walked across the campus she saw Xander. He appeared to be heading towards the campus canteen. She prayed he wouldn’t see her but her luck was not with her.

“Buff. Hey,” Xander called, waving his whole arm at her. He lightly jogged towards her, hard hat in hand and his tool belt bouncing on his hips. She couldn’t help but smile.

“Hey,” She acknowledged.

“You okay?” he asked, coming to a stop in front of her. “Last night was a bit … ” He spread his hands to display his loss for words.

“Yeah. You?” She asked eager to get him to talk rather than to question her.

“Yeah,” he responded shrugging with obvious embarrassment. “Lost it there for a bit. But what with the bug-eating and mind control crap, I reached my limit. Had to blow…” He grinned his goofy grin and shrugged. “There you headed?”

“Can’t say. ‘Cause if you told Willow, I’d have to kill you,” She replied.

He looked at her and then an amused grin crossed his face. “Library? Don’t worry I won’t tell. She just gets the marshmallow look when she thinks of all those books. How’s Willow doing?” he asked, a bit more seriously.

“She’s okay. Doing research,” she responded, really wishing she could think of how to avoid talking about Willow.

Xander started to walk towards the library and Buffy fell in beside him. She knew that Xander would want to talk until she reached her destination. Her heart sank. Much as she loved Xander, she just wanted to sort things out in her head.

“Anya didn’t mean to freak her out. She was just pointing out the obvious. You know that, right?”

Buffy simply nodded her head, unwilling to speak on the subject of his ex-demon girlfriend, afraid that she would just spill out her annoyance and hurt their good friend.

“Good. ‘Cause lets face it, half the guys in the dorm wish you and Willow had something going.” He looked at her and that apology for being male face filled her vision. “It’s kind of a male college hormone requirement -- to wish that two hot girls were … Not having to draw the diagram here, am I?”

`Pretty much getting the mental flow,” Buffy responded somewhat annoyed and a little amused at the same time. If only those guys knew what they had planned for tonight.

“So you ever considered, you know, jumping the fence?” Xander asked.

“Xander I really hope your not trying to ask …” Buffy threatened.

“So you and Willow haven’t had the talk yet,” Xander said, interrupting her well before the threat he knew was on its way.

“Did Giles talk to you?” Buffy asked her tone changing. Spooked that Xander was asking her about a conversation she had just had with her Ex-Watcher...

“Giles hasn’t told me anything. It was right in front of my “Xander” face. Willow would do anything for you,” He said honestly. “So my guess is she’s waiting for the straight girl to raise the subject. Some kinda gay subject etiquette thing.”

“Well … it’s a bit beyond the normal best friend job description. It’s not like doing … this could leave her with more than just a nasty nose bleed. There’s … well … personal space … privacy … personal invasion stuff. It’s not like ‘hey can I borrow your jumper’. It’s like ‘hey can I borrow your lifestyle choice’,” she said recalling all the things they had just covered.

“So you’re gonna let her stay the Slayer. That could get her killed,” Xander reminded her.

“It’s not just my decision to make,” Buffy explained pointedly. She loved how worked up Xander was becoming. Her chest filled with pride at his concern for them.

“Of course it is. Willow’s not going to force you to walk into her realm. You gotta ask about borrowing the lifestyle choice,” he explained, a little frustrated that Buffy hadn’t seemed to realize this simple fact.

“Well, it’s not fair,” she pouted. She was really starting to enjoy this.

“Who cares if it’s fair? In about three days Willow’s going to be stuck with your calling, your life expectancy and all that entails for the rest of her life. Unless you, her best friend, do something to stop that from happening.”

“What am I supposed to do? Beg her to …” she couldn’t finish. Not telling Xander that they had already had the talk was getting harder as their talk continued. Holding back the laughter was becoming almost impossible.

“Why wouldn’t you? To keep her safe. You can put all our lives in danger to save Willow from the Mayor but you can’t put your pride in danger now?”

“I don’t even know if she could … if she’d want to. I mean what if I lose Willow over this? I can’t lose Willow. I’m not meant to be without Willow. I ...” she stumbled through her words, looking at the ground, to avoid having to look at the now somewhat worked-up Xander.

“Compared to her losing you, I think Will would risk a little pain. She’s not just your side-kick, you know. I know how you feel about her. Lets face it Buffy, you got burned with Angel and then Parker showed up,” he reminded her.

“I know the story, Xander,” Buffy said suddenly not enjoying this so much.

“But you miss the point. You shut down, Buffy. You closed just about everyone out, your Mom, Giles, me – Okay we get to help with the Scooby stuff, college, the basic and general support,” he said, with no offense or accusation in his statement. “But, your heart and soul, you’ve only ever let Willow near them. We all know that. Have you ever considered that there’s probably a reason for that.”

Buffy raised her face to look questioningly at Xander.

“You were meant to. Trust her Buffy.”

Chapter 11

That night sitting on the bed opposite each other in the darkened room, neither Willow nor Buffy knew what to say? What to do? How to begin? They found themselves sitting in silence. Finally Buffy reached forward and found Willow’s hand and with such sincerity she squeezed it before raising it to her lips to place a tender kiss upon the back of it. Kissing that was where they should begin.

Willow felt a small chill travel over the back of her hand as her skin reacted to the touch of Buffy’s lips. Looking at the vague outline of Buffy's face and she was sure she could sense the same hesitation she was feeling.

Shifting her hand she led Buffy’s hand towards her own lips to place a hesitant kiss on its palm. This elicited a slight intake of breath from Buffy. Willow was surprised that her palm was so sensitive.

The talk had been easy. The preparation of the room was much the same. Okay, the showering for what you knew was about to happen … that had felt, well … odd. Sensing that same awkward and lost feeling in Buffy was somehow soothing. Somehow it helped her.

Leaning forward Willow cupped her best friend’s face in her hands. Tonight they had no sight to guide them. She ran her thumb slowly down Buffy’s cheek and her friend leaned into her caress. Encouraged she leaned in to initiate their first kiss, unable to see the longing that would have set her heart aflame. ‘Keep it slow and simple. This is no time to let your heart run away with itself,’ she reminded herself as she leaned closer.

She recalled Buffy saying that Willow had tended to the Slayer’s many wounds over the years and that there wasn't much of the Slayer's body that she hadn't already touched or looked at over those years. This should be no different. Willow had taken great pains to point out that it wasn't Buffy's body she was going to have to look at or touch.

They had therefore agreed that complete darkness would definitely be required to avoid the wiggins. But even with the drapes drawn and all the lights off, she could still see outlines, some shadow and a little color. So Willow had closed her eyes as she traveled the few remaining millimeters.

She felt her lips reach Buffy’s; ‘so soft, so warm.’ Their contact was brief but electricity shot through Willow as she gently increased the pressure of her lips before withdrawing them.

After a brief breath, Buffy moved forward and brought her lips to meet Willow’s. As they gently kissed, brushing their lips, slowly getting to know each other’s style, they drew in the feelings, senses and emotions that poured over them. Buffy had placed her hands gently and carefully onto Willows shoulders to guide herself. Willow was still holding Buffy’s face.

‘Kissing is such a personal form of communication,’ thought Willow as she was again invited to meet her friend in a way she never had before. No barriers but vulnerable, open and true. As they deepened their kiss she felt such warmth and so much trust that she was in awe, blinded by the shear strength and awesome tenderness she felt.

'This is going to be okay,' Willow thought, 'I can do this.' Then she felt her passion begin to rise. A need filled her. She felt the tip of Buffy's tongue trying to gain access to her and suddenly it became about need. Needing to give everything she had to this wonderful woman.

But she had to be so very careful. It wasn’t that Willow was a screamer, but she liked to talk, sex babble, if you will. And much fear and angsty worry had been confronted this afternoon over this fear. But what terrified her more than the very weird position that she found herself in was the thought that she might say those three little words. Okay, they had agreed that any utterances or noises they might make were covered by the sisterhood act of ‘no one other that us will ever know upon pain of death’. But none the less she knew she had to be careful.

She felt Buffy's hand reaching to her neck, which made her shiver slightly before pulling her into another kiss as if she needed the added persuasion. Her lips felt full and alive with every brush, each change in pressure a new heavenly feeling. Then a slight lick, a taste and Willow felt herself falling into a dream.

Buffy was so lost in the bliss of kissing Willow that all the burdens she normally felt as well as the need to keep hold of herself and to be in control fell away. She felt so safe - as if she had found her home. All she wanted was more, more contact, more skin. She found her hands moving to run up and down Willow’s back. They pulled Willow to her as if of their own will.

She felt Willow’s breath as she sighed. It pleased her that she was doing something right and that she had made Willow sigh. Her heart filled with pleasure. She deepened the kiss, tasting her Will. She heard and felt the groan and soon found her mouth invaded by the soft and tender foray of her love. It was as if someone had turned on all the lights in her brain. She began to feel a heat rise within her. Desire filled her and her abdomen clenched as she tightened herself with excitement. She wanted skin, bare warm skin, touching her, pressing against her. She wanted to feel Willow, to know her completely. The intensity of her desire, her need washed over her and her hands involuntarily found their way beneath Willow’s flimsy top.

Willow swallowed, breathed, gasped deeply and very nearly choked as her back reacted to the very commanding hands that now touched it and seemed intent on traveling its sensitive land. Buffy had taken the lead. She had crossed the line, moving them beyond friendly but heated kissing into the land of touching and skin. Part of Willow was relieved another part anxious and finally a little miffed that she had to be led across that line.

Willow had wanted to control the pace; she needed to. But it appeared that Buffy wasn't going to play that game. ‘She probably wants it over with as quickly as possible' she thought her mind suddenly flooded with insecurity.

Buffy realized that she had somehow shaken Willow but the need within her was so great, the touching such a relief. She knew Willow would take things slowly, gently, tenderly. But she wanted and needed to release her passion, the years of wanting, of dreaming.

"Will, are you okay?" she asked, releasing Willow’s mouth. “Was that too soon? The touching?"

Willow heard the concern and doubt in her voice. "No, it’s okay," Willow reassured her friend, moving back to her lips to reassure her with a kiss. “Nice,” she added, feeling somewhat silly at having to admit that Buffy’s touch was welcome.

At Willow’s words Buffy relaxed. She felt almost as if a rhythm had been set and that the kissing, skin and touching hands could feel it as well. Willow’s now full-blooded lips seemed to be playing music in her head, pulsing with a beat that she couldn’t ignore.

All too soon many hands were traveling over and under clothing Heavy breathing and need obvious. Clothes became an obstruction. They were shed with mutual help and desire until they lay together with only their undergarments between them. Somehow this last barrier seemed the hardest for them both to overcome as they kissed and caressed each other, seemingly trying to push their bodies into one. “Willow,” Buffy moaned with such a husky need in her voice that Willow’s mind flew to the very spires of her heart. She could hear the thumping of her own heart in her head.

Willow ran her thumb over Buffy's lacy bra and the proudly protruding nipple, eliciting a guttural sigh from Buffy who arched her body and ran her hand down to Willows rear, raising her leg slightly as she pulled Willow’s pelvis towards her.

Willow groaned and ground herself against Buffy, lost in a need so basic.

Realizing what she had done, Willow blushed a little. But a firm hand held her in place, letting her know this was okay, this was wanted. She felt empowered by Buffy's obvious excitement. Slowly she the pulled back the lace covering from Buffy's left breast and ran her thumb again over the now exposed nipple. It rose to meet her as Buffy arched to her touch. ‘So hard,’ Willow thought as her mind shrieked in warning that things were moving too fast, that she was losing control.

Buffy placed her hand behind Willow’s neck and pulled her head down to her chest. She knew what she wanted - those lips, that mouth kissing, sucking, licking. Her head spun in anticipation.

Willow was amazed by her best friend’s open display of her desire. Buffy seemed to be comfortable with her need. This both pleased and scared her. She was still trying to control her own need and yet this was supposed to be her territory. Shaking her ego aside, she let Buffy lead her lips to the very hard nipple she could feel beneath her thumb.

Willow considered gently kissing Buffy’s excited nipple but upon reaching it she gave in to need, drawing the nipple fully into her mouth. She smiled at the sheer bliss of having such a wonderful gift given to her eager mouth and then the rage of passion filled her as Buffy arched forcing her breast into Willow’s face. Soft warm flesh, hard needy nipple. Willow felt as if she had found heaven. She lost all fear, doubt and uncertainty as this small, needy and proud piece of skin told her everything she needed to know about where her friend’s body and mind were. Finally she just let the beautiful madness take over.

Buffy pushed her thigh into Willow’s pelvis as her chest became ablaze with Willow’s passionate ministrations. ‘So good, oh god it feels so good,’ she thought as she felt Willow arch her pelvis towards her. ‘How did I ever talk myself out of doing this? What kind of fool have I been,’ Buffy gave into sheer instinct. For the first time in her life she knew what she was doing felt right - no doubts, no uncertainty. She let herself fall into the need, the want, the desire - accepting her feelings, her own body’s voice.

They began to battle back and forth as Buffy twisted to gain a better position to reach, touch and explore. Rolling about the large bed neither thought to offer thanks to its provider. A single bed would not have provided for their passion so well.

Releasing Buffy’s nipple, Willow turned her and with her left hand she undid the bra clasp, removing it effortlessly. The rush of air against her chest sent a thrill through Buffy. Realizing what she wanted to do Buffy moved her hands to do the same for Willow. But for some reason her fingers fumbled and failed in their task. A firm hand brushed hers aside and soon they were both topless.

Buffy took a deep breath as she felt Willow pull her forward. Surprised by each new level of pleasure as it washed over her, Buffy found herself calling out to her “Willow!” And then she heard her own name.

“Buffy!”

The corners of her mind screamed with joy and she wrapped her arms around her Willow, pulling her close, needing her close. She showered kisses upon the face and mouth of her love. Wasting no time she pushed her demanding tongue between those hot lips. The groan she felt travel from the back of Willow’s throat only served to drive her on.

They became a medley of lips, hands, tongues, arms and legs … until only one boundary remained. As Buffy’s teeth gently pulled at Willow’s ear lobe, she felt hands traveling beneath her panties and a glint of anticipation lit her. Throwing her arms around Willow she rolled onto her back, pulling Willow to rest above her. ‘Just helping,’ she reasoned, ‘Can’t wait much longer’

Running her nails down Willow’s spine she enjoyed the push of her pelvis as she arched into her. Her hand reached the band of Willow’s panties. ‘What’s good for the goose …,’ she thought as she slid her hand beneath the flimsy lace. No thought of wrong or right, unknown or familiar crossed her mind. She knew what she wanted, what felt right.

Willow pushed her pelvis into the Buffy, one hand supporting herself and the other slowly working down the panties that were impeding her. She could feel a fire building within her. She had never known the need to be so great, so forceful, almost beyond her, leading her, driving her. Every moan, groan and sigh, every arch, curl and clench that Buffy’s body made simply stoked the fire, increasing the passionate blindness within her.

She felt the nails slightly digging into her back as Buffy’s hand traveled down her back. ‘Oh god, you are so gonna pay for that,’ she promised herself. Working the panties down, just far enough, she gained entry and her hand cupped the mound that had pressed so insistently against her. Then she increased the pressure of her palm, just enough.

“Oh God,” Buffy moaned unable to hold in her release as she felt Willow’s hand against her. She shuddered. It felt as if she had suddenly been reminded of a thousand forgotten nerve endings. She tried to pull Willow towards her but she failed. Willow seemed resolute. She liked where she was. Looking up, Buffy thought she saw a satisfied grin crossing the face above her. She felt as if she was dangling over the edge of an abyss. “Willow,” she pleaded.

Her mind rolled towards the abyss, blown away at the sheer control that Willow seemed to have over her. And yet she felt safe. She had never felt such a deep need to feel so secure in someone else’s ability. Her heart burst as she felt years of unrequited love flow, demanding release. She had never wanted to give herself to anyone this much.

Willow battled to control the moment. She wanted this to be perfect. She could feel the need; the hunger within Buffy and her mind was ablaze with the knowledge that she was the object of this passion. She moved her fingers into the welcoming wet folds beneath her, seeking entrance just for a while. But as her fingers slid fully within, she felt her control waver, as muscles tightened to hold her within. “Buffy,” Willow called, a vain plea as the last foundation of her control crumbled and she fell into the fantasy turned reality.

As Willow, at first, moved slowly within her, Buffy could have sworn the sky was falling around her. The fever rose within her and she arched, trying to hold and open herself all at once. “Oh my God,” she groaned, “So good.” Her words seemed to intensify the fire in Willow, as she felt the tempo of her movements increase. “Oh. Yes.” She reached up to cup Willow’s face. “Yes.”

As Willow looked down at the outline of the woman below her, a swelling of pride and empowerment filled her. Her mind caught between the need to drown in the wet and warm heaven she had found and the many, many pleasures she needed to give her love. She pushed deeply within and held her hand. Then she raised her fingers slightly to stroke the red hot center of Buffy. She felt Buffy buck and writhe at her ministrations and she let out a groan of satisfaction.

As Willow plowed her wet center, Buffy could feel her climax building. At the same time her body seemed to turn to jelly as she fought to regain control of her muscles in vain. As Willow took control of her every movement, Buffy felt like a puppet, controlled by Willow’s hand. As if the very strings of her pleasure were hidden within and only her Willow had somehow found them. It felt so right, so good.

Willow brought up her knees and sat back slightly, releasing her other hand. She pulled the panties down further and entering Buffy fully at this new angle she watched the body before her, soaking in every movement as if she was discovering a new and wondrous language. As Buffy’s arch reached its height she brought the thumb of her now free hand into play, brushing it over the high and proud bud before her.

“Ahhhhhh … , “ Buffy screamed unable to cope with the sudden rush of electricity that had flown from between her legs to explode within her brain.

Again Willow ran her thumb over this sensitive bud of nerve endings, building a slow rhythm, a counterpoint to the faster rhythm of her invading fingers. “Oh yes,” she uttered as she felt Buffy tighten around her.

Buffy’s eyes flew to the back of her head as she felt herself approaching the edge of her climax. “Oh no! Please. Willow. Yes,” Buffy pleaded as she found herself begging for release. “I need … Oh God. You’re incredible. I can’t … Oh God.”

“Yes you can, baby,” Willow said encouraging her on and increasing the tempo.

“Oh Will, it’s too much. No don’t stop,” Buffy cried, her mind a mess. “Oh Yes!”

“Yes, that’s it. Come on,” Willow entreated, feeling her own wetness, her own need building with every stroke. “You’re nearly there. I can feel … Oh Goddess, you’re so wet. It’s beautiful,” Willow stated and then she lost it, diving into Buffy, plunging into the wet and welcoming warmth … her own wetness began to flow but she could feel nothing except the pulsing beat between Buffy’s legs, then the arch and ... Oh God.

Buffy felt herself falling over the edge, her head seemed to explode and the warmth between her legs gushed. She came so hard, so powerfully. It was as if the full force of a passion beyond her experience had knocked her from her feet. She clenched her teeth growling, squeezing her eyes shut, trying to hold on to the peak. She had never felt so joined, so alive and yet so naked.

Willow felt the flood cover her hand and then the tightening, and then her own tightness and release and the hold, the trembling. The power of Buffy’s orgasm seemed to travel from her hands to her very core.

Slowly Buffy descended, regaining her breathing and control of her body.

Willow prepared to withdraw her hand, wanting to move to hold Buffy. But as she did she felt a slight tightening and a mischievous thought crossed her mind. She moved down to rest her head upon Buffy’s stomach. Having done so she again tried to remove her hand but this time she changed direction to move slowly inwards and Buffy’s hands suddenly clamped onto her head.

“Will, you have to be joking.”

“Trust me,” Willow said as she slowly moved her fingers in and out of the so wet entrance, this time hovering only at the beginning and edge of her.

“I don’t think I can …”

“Trust me, baby,” Willow repeated moving her head down, slowly kissing Buffy’s stomach as she descended.

“I never knew you were so evil,” Buffy accused.

“Not evil. You’ll see. Besides, I have a list,” Willow said as an excuse. And then she slowly curled her forefinger to stroke the roof of Buffy’s entrance.

“Oh God! How did you …,” Buffy shook and surrendered, “the list? Oh my God. The rest of the list!!” She felt Willow’s facial muscles grin, as it traveled over her stomach, downwards, towards …‘Oh!’ Buffy’s eyes flew wide as she realized exactly where her best friend’s face was heading and what she intended. ‘She’s gonna kill me,’ Buffy decided, ‘But what a way to go.’

Chapter 12

They lay curled together in sweet exhaustion with Willow spooning Buffy. It was almost seven o’clock and neither had gotten any sleep, as Willow had approached her list with unwavering dedication. Buffy had never been so sated, so fuzzy and warm. The feel of Willow’s warm body at her back offered such completion. Again she struggled to stay in the dream.

Willow noticed the stillness in Buffy. “You okay?” she quietly asked, afraid the weirdness was already taking over.

Willow’s words drew Buffy back from the dream. “Yeah. Just coming back down to earth,” Buffy said, grinning at the memories of last night. She didn’t want Willow to let go of her just yet.

“Mmm. I know what you mean,” Willow said as she absentmindedly squeezed her dear friend tighter. “That was …” Willow‘s mind searched for a word, a safe word to describe last night but none came to mind.

“Really … something,” Buffy offered, feeling a little foolish. She couldn’t remember the last time she had allowed herself to feel shy, vulnerable and nervous, yet it felt so right. “You knew … a lot more … than I was expecting,” she admitted, feeling more like a giddy love-struck young woman of her age rather than the ‘wise beyond her years’ Slayer that she had to be in order to survive.

Willow felt the heat filling her cheeks at this compliment. “I don’t think I was the only one – with the unexpected,” she replied as she fondly remembered when Buffy had taken her turn.

Buffy giggled at the thought of the things she had done and, if Willow’s reaction was anything to go by, had done well. “Yeah. Who’d have guessed?”

Buffy stared at the hand holding hers … her own hand. Suddenly her euphoria was drowned in cold water. She had been so caught up in the sheer pleasure of last night that it wasn’t until now, as dawn peeked in through the curtains, that the truth became evident to her. This wasn’t real, last night hadn’t been real. She wasn’t in her body and neither was Willow. A shiver of creepiness and sadness ran through her as she realized that the warm skin she had caressed last night, the body she had entered and tasted had been her own.

She so wanted to escape the image that was forming in her head, the memory of their actions. ‘I’ve just made love to my own body. That’s well like … Oh god!’ All she had wanted was to live the dream … she tried to reclaim the dream for just a little longer. She loved the feel of Willow holding her but the knowledge of what they had both done last night and the danger they were still in overshadowed everything. Add on to that the realization that they had been in the wrong bodies during what had been a heavenly night and reality suddenly came into sharp cold focus.

Part of Buffy wanted to turn over and tell Willow how much last night had meant to her, how long she had dreamt of making love to her, how much she wanted to try to be what she needed. But the weirdness was kicking in. Willow had made love to her while Buffy was still in Will’s body and … and it had been making love! Yes she was pretty sure she would have known the difference. But it hadn’t really been her. She couldn’t allow herself to believe it was anything more than the love of a dear friend who was trying to make an ordeal easier, trying to help fix something that was wrong.

She couldn’t burden Willow with her needs, her wants, her fears, her wishes, her dreams. Willow had been so sweet, so wonderful, so giving because that was who Will was. That was her way and this was what they had to try … to do … to get their bodies back.

No matter how much she had wanted every touch and every moan to mean more, she couldn’t allow herself to take advantage of Willow’s giving nature. The possibility of telling Will how she felt and seeing that look of pity in her best friend’s eyes while she explained that she didn’t feel the same way … tore at her heart and courage. She wanted love not pity and she was far too scared to take the chance. “So how are we going to tell them?” Buffy asked, pulling reality back into their world.

“Tell them what?” Willow asked, concern evident in her voice. She suddenly had the very real fear that Buffy was expecting to debrief the Scoobies in detail. “Oh!” She had forgotten for a moment that this wasn’t real, that last night hadn’t been real. As that knowledge grew within her, she shook herself and thought ‘What did you expect? Buffy’s only letting you hold her like this because last night we had great sex last night. Nothing more.’ She couldn’t blame Buffy. She knew that her hopes for something more were her own problem. But that didn’t stop the tears from welling up in her eyes.

“That it didn’t work,” Buffy explained. She had known the morning after was going to be hard but this was like having a thousand paper cuts and sitting in a bath of lemon juice. She either wanted this over or a few moments return of the mind reading power she had once had in high school. Anything but this strained conversation and the desire to run.

“Right. Oh yeah. They’ll need to know. I mean Giles …” Willow said as she slowly removed her arms and released Buffy. “He’ll want to review … the curse.” She rolled away. The feel of Buffy’s warm body had now become a torture as the tears silently filling her eyes testified. ‘Last night was it’ she decided. It was all she could ever have. Drawing herself in she tried to find her center; controlling her breathing; forcing the tears back that she would shed later … alone, she continued, “I mean we’ll need to … look over the wording again and see what we missed.” She stared at the ceiling and felt very small and alone. The desire to go and beat up something engulfed her. ‘This is so unfair, so cruel.’

“Will, I really don’t know … how to say this. I mean if there even is a right way to say this. So … you know ... (gulp). Thanks … for last night,” Buffy ended somewhat uselessly. She wanted to say so much more but now that Willow’s arms had released her she didn’t seem able to form the words. Somehow she felt more monosyllabic than she normally did.

“Yeah. No prob,” Willow responded lamely, wondering how long the polite period was … before you could get up, get dressed and run away.

Buffy lay still admonishing herself. ‘What a lame way to say thanks for a night you will never forget.’

The shrill sound of their phone broke the need to speak further. Buffy shot from the bed, still naked and reached for the phone in desperate gratitude for the interruption. “Hi?”

“Buffy, sorry if I woke you. I know it’s still early but I’ve just finished a telephone call from England and I believe that I should see you both immediately. It seems … we may have gravely misunderstood the curse,” Giles said, the gravity of the matter evident in his tone.

“Okay Giles. We’ll be there pronto,” Buffy promised and hung up the telephone. She turned towards the bed but she didn’t, she couldn’t raise her eyes to meet Willow’s. Her mind really wasn’t ready to see the woman she had slept with last night in her own body. “Giles needs us,” she explained, adding “Sorry.” And with that inadequate apology for ending their post-coital talk, she turned to get dressed.

Willow lay under the covers for a moment realizing she was going to have to hold back her tears for even longer. All she really wanted to do was curl up under the covers and hide for as long as it took to forget last night.

* * * *

Giles retrieved his cup of tea from the kitchenette counter, after having let in Buffy and Willow. Returning to his living room he saw that they had chosen to sit at either end of the sofa and so he moved towards his somewhat worn but favorite chair.

“It seems that either we have or Faith has (in her composition of the curse), misunderstood some of the references she was using and that if come the full moon we haven’t resolved this curse, the world could be placed in a very serious situation,” Giles explained to the two very silent and half-awake young women before him. “I received a rather unexpected call from a Watchers’ Council intermediary early this morning. It seems they have become aware of the curse.”

“Oh great - show and tell,” grumbled a very fidgety Willow, preoccupied by the pain Buffy’s words had caused this morning.

Giles looked at Willow, who appeared to be rubbing her fingers in vigorous aggravation.

“We’re listening,” Buffy declared attempting to distract Giles from Willow’s obvious wigging out at the outsiders having any idea that they had or intended to sleep together. Yet she couldn’t help but feel hurt that Willow was having such a bad time dealing with what they had done. She had thought it so special, so wonderful, a dream. It hurt to know that Willow didn’t feel the same way. She almost felt as if she was seeing someone else, someone other than the person who had loved her so completely last night.

“Indeed. What I now have to explain may take some time and I must ask that you let me complete what I have to say before you bombard me with your usual list of questions.” He paused for effect and then taking a deep breath he continued, “Fine then. As we know the Greek goddess of the moon was Selene, otherwise known as Diana, and she was worshipped by priests and priestesses with magical staffs made from willow. It is a matter of record that willow trees prefer to grow by running water and some believe that they are, therefore, influenced by the movement of that water and consequentially by the movements of the moon. Now interestingly Hecate who was the Irish goddess of both the moon and willow trees taught sorcery and witchcraft, and was a formidable divinity of the underworld. Again her priestesses used willow in their water magic and witchcraft.”

Buffy was only half-listening. She so knew from experience that what she actually needed to know would come at the very end. That was just how Giles worked. Meanwhile, the other half of her mind dwelled on Willow. She wished she could still read minds. Specifically Willow’s. Buffy was still somewhat freaked at the thought that last night she had caused her own body to orgasm, to writhe with pleasure, to flame with glowing heat. But in her own mind and deep in her soul, she knew that Willow was at the heart of that body and that it had been Willow to whom she had given pleasure. Surely Willow could realize that they hadn’t just had sex, that it had been something more. She drew her mind back to Giles and his longwinded lecture. For once eager to let him ramble on, his words filling her mind and drowning out her anguish over last night.

“Willow trees are widely thought to represent renewal, virility, growth and immortality. Their wood is most commonly used for wickerwork - be that magical or practical. This was originally a trade only practiced by the priestesses of Hecate and Selene. Hence, the origins of the words wicker and Wiccan. It may be of interest to note that the Willow tree has unisexual flowers,” he huffed slightly before continuing. “Willow trees are famous for their ease at surviving transplantation, fire, disease and pestilence. Many believe that this fact only served to add to ancient belief in the magical powers of this tree. Rosebay Willow, also known as Willow herb or Fireweed, rapidly colonizes burnt ground. During World War II and the bombing of London many of the derelict bomb sites were soon covered in fireweed, bringing color to an otherwise grim scene. The Greek goddess Selene was said to “exalt in her heart over the radiant bright haired Horai, the feminine hours, climbing the heavens to scatter sparks of fire.”

Willow sat listening intently to Giles. She needed something to focus on, something to help hold back the tears. But uncalled for memories of the first time that Buffy had spoken to her invaded her mind. How the beautiful blonde had sat down beside her. The sheer buoyant feeling that had filled her when she realized that this wonderful, strong and lovely woman wanted her company. She had never thought she ever would regret the first spark of attraction that had lit within her that day. She wished she wasn’t in love with Buffy. Maybe then all of this wouldn’t hurt so much. She felt like a fool. She had known what last night would entail. She had promised herself that she wouldn’t let it be anything more than just sex. And yet she had allowed a large part of her to dream that it would be so much more. Then she had allowed that part to of herself to escape into all that had taken place last night.

Giles took a sip from his tea, glancing at the unusually silent young women before him and noting their frozen expressions he smiled questioningly before continuing. “The Horai were represented by the morning star and it was said that ‘The brightest of stars appeared, as most often heralds the light of early rising, whilst longing for the return of Luna, her partner in the night sky.’ She can only raise the morning star if the moon is setting. Now you may be surprised to learn that the Greeks didn’t recognize the season – Summer. They considered Spring and Summer as one season - Spring. They simply had three seasons, known as hours spring, autumn and winter. The guardians of these ‘hours’ were mortal. They were created by Zeus and called the Horai. For Winter, there was Irene or Carpo; for Autumn there was Eunomia or Auxo; for Spring there was Thallo or … Dike.” Giles stumbled over the word, and sighing with relief that Xander was absent, he hurried on. “Spring was placed on earth by Zeus and charged as the goddess of moral justice. She ruled over human justice whilst her mother (Themis) ruled over divine justice. Born mortal, she struggled for an age upon the earth, fighting to keep mankind just. But Zeus ever watchful, and having seen that she did not retreat at the enormity, and in his opinion futility, of her task soon brought her to his side upon Mount Olympus, ending her mortal existence and passing her task to another.”

Rising from his seat he moved away from Buffy and Willow, pleased that they were listening so intently for once. “Dawn, who was the Greek goddess of … well Dawn, heralds the arrival of Helios, the Sun. However she can only arise from her slumber at the heralding of the morning star. It seems that we are in danger of a lunar eclipse on the night of this coming full moon.” He picked up a pen and proceeded to the flip chart that Anya had presented him with last month. “If we re-examine the wording of the curse,” he said as he wrote the following:

“a single season forgotten” > Summer - forgotten by the Greeks; Spring the champion of justice, a short life on earth, then replaced. Source of the morning star.

“withers from her roots” > A willow tree that can not renew = a moon that can not be renewed once lost

“Luna will turn her back” > lunar eclipse = no moon = no morning star

“now arising without the dawn” > no moon = no morning star = no dawn = no sunrise.”

Giles added, as if he needed to, “The Titans were all powerful Greek gods. They ruled and kept order in the ancient world. It was believed that without them the world would end. If the Moon and morning star do not follow each other, dawn will not arrive. If dawn does not arrive, the sun can not rise and if the sun can not rise …”

“End of the world as we know it … again,” finished Buffy. “How long ‘til the full moon?” she asked realizing that time may well be running out.

“Four days,” Giles responded nodding at Buffy’s statement. “Resolving your body swap has become of more import than we realized. I know that one possible solution … has been difficult for either of you to consider. But ...”

“It didn’t work,” Buffy interrupted.

“I feel that we have to … it didn’t? … you’ve … how … are you sure you … well yes of course you are … when? No, I don’t need to know that,” Giles said taking in the ramifications of Buffy’s statement. He looked first to Buffy and then to Willow before asking for confirmation. “It didn’t work?”

Buffy simply shook her head while Willow stared at the floor. Silence filled the room, as they all took in the relevance of both Giles’ information and the failure of their most recent attempt to fix the body swap. Buffy looked at Giles with a fixed if apologetic stare as she said quietly, “I think we covered everything on the list. There was a list.”

“We must have missed something,” Giles stated, unwilling to comment, ask or even think about the kind of list to which Buffy could have been referring.

“You think?” Willow added her tone unusually sharp. She looked at Buffy’s face and seeing the hurt she added, “Sorry.” This was the first time she had really looked at Buffy since they had risen. Buffy had chosen her green jumper, the one that she usually picked when she felt like hiding. It covered her in a kind of baggy non-descript way. Willow couldn’t see any of the curves – the curves she had touched, licked and tasted last night; her own … ‘Oh my god … I did … to my own body … I dipped my fingers in my own wishing well.’ Her heart rate increased and she felt heat at first rise to her cheeks and then drain from her until she became light-headed. She raised her hands to hide her face. Shame washed over her. How could she be all big with the ‘why is Buffy acting so weird’? They had made love … done stuff to their own bodies. The reality hit hard. They had talked about it but somehow the creepiness of the reality was way bigger than she had expected.

“Will? Are you alright?” Buffy asked reaching over to place her hand on Will’s knee. The Witch jumped as if an electric charge had gone through her. “Willow?” her best friend asked again, the concern in her voice rising.

Willow took a deep breath and opening her eyes she looked at Buffy, unable to say anything at first, with her eyes full of sorrow, horror and shame. “Sorry … I’m just getting the … it was a … body swap,” she finally said gulping her way through the words in a very small voice as she looked at Buffy.

Seeing the sheer pained expression on Willow’s face and realizing just what she was referring to, Buffy turned to the questioning face of Giles and looking him square in the eye, she shook her head firmly to prevent him from questioning or speaking. Willow really didn’t need a Watcher’s inquisition right now. She had obviously just been hit with the reality of what they had done last night. If the color of her face was anything to go by she had just received the same ice cold shower that Buffy had so not enjoyed earlier that morning.

Giles, somewhat mystified, stared at the young women before him. His radar was telling him that he would regret asking what this was all about but his Watcher’s mind was eager to acquire any information that might help to extract them from their Faith-induced predicament.

* * * *

Faith rolled over in her bed. She had been tossing and turning all night. Although she had enjoyed saving the dumb duo, she couldn’t get past the realization that she had put B and Red in danger. The body swap had been her idea, her solution to getting the two to admit how they felt about each other -- not to getting them killed.

Her dreams (or rather nightmares) had been filled with images of Willow holding a dying Slayer in her arms. She had awakened in a cold sweat. Despite the urge to pick up the phone and ring Cordy, she had held back. She really didn’t want anyone to know how royally she had messed up, least of all Queen C.

Throwing back her covers, she smacked the mattress in frustration. How had this become so complicated? That guy had made it sound so easy; his instructions had been simple enough. Okay the poetry had been a pain at first but she had kinda started to like the whole punning and rhyming thing.

Maybe she should have given Cordy the ‘heads up’ on her plan. She didn’t regret not having told Angel. His whole vamp anger bordering on psycho ‘I’ll hunt him down and I’ll stake him into the next millennium’ kill Spike episode, which she had seen first hand in L.A. after Cordy had retold her vision to the group, left her in no doubt that when it came to the Slayer ‘the big bad’ didn’t keep a clear head. Angel’s face had looked just like you might imagine the God of thunder would look – pre-storm. She had sworn she could actually see his blood rising.

Cordy had been very careful to clearly point out that her vision was of distant future events, of possible events, of things that could be avoided, changed and that as far as everyone knew Spike and Drusilla were still in Mexico. But this hadn’t done much to temper Angel’s tirade. What it had prevented was the big broody guy from rushing back to Buffy’s side.

Faith had thought this a good thing --- until now. Maybe Angel could have handled things better. She wasn’t exactly able to talk to Buffy and Willow like he could have. As this thought percolated in her mind, she was caught between laughter and tears at the image of Angel as the Sapphic matchmaker. Maybe Cordy was right when she’d said “Guys, this one requires the feminine touch – girl chat.” Maybe she should have just talked to them. It might have taken a while before they actually listened to her but at least she’d be sleeping now and the world would still have one of the most experienced and capable Slayers ever on the job rather than a newly trained witch.

She searched her mind for ideas, for some glimmer of a solution. Then remembering Cordy’s reference to Xander obviously being aware of the situation, she could feel the gem of an idea forming.

Chapter 13

Xander really hated waking up this early. But being unable to settle back to sleep he dragged himself from a cozy bed filled with warm and welcoming Anya, which just didn’t seem right. He questioned the logic of the world with a half hazy mind.

He shuffled across the cold floor of his kitchen in Anya’s fuzzy bedroom slippers which were two sizes too small. This caused him to walk on the balls of his feet, like an escapee from Fantasia, to keep his heels from touching the freezing floor tiles. Taking the butter out of the refrigerator and moving toward the toaster, he happened to glance out of his apartment window and … “What the …” he dropped the butter and, moving instinctively towards his knife block, he pulled the largest knife free.

Turning to position himself between the balcony entrance and Anya who was still asleep in their bedroom, he forgot to look down. So fulfilling his role as the ‘funny Scooby’, he slipped on the fallen pat of butter. As if in slow motion he fell backwards, arms and legs flayed pointlessly in the air, wheeling around as if to gain traction upon the air itself. The resounding thump that was his body as it hit the floor was echoed in the “oooomph” he let out as any air left in his lungs escaped.

“Thank god. Some things never change,” muttered Faith as she raised her eyes to the heavens and smiled before pushing open the balcony door and entering the apartment. “Whoa there, danger boy. Not here for a fight, fun though it would be to whip your butt. Seems you don’t really need my help with that,” she advised him as she closed the door and moved into the apartment.

Xander picked himself up, keeping the knife firmly in his hand, while removing the now flat pat of butter that he had landed on and was now totally stuck to his butt.

Considering the need to keep Xander calm, Faith turned her face from him to hide her smile as he completed the delicate operation involved in removing the butter from his butt. “Nice … complimentary color scheme. Anya, I presume,” she commented as she looked around.

“Yeah, right. Your new job is interior decoration critic … I don’t think so. What do you want?” Xander asked eyeing the ex-slayer with distrust while desperately trying to regain his dignity.

“I thought you might be able to help,” she informed him. Suddenly not so sure that this had been such a good idea, she wondered if she had placed too much importance on Cordelia’s insight.

“Okay. Checking the side and rear view mirrors here cause … since when was the highway of good intentions your road of choice?” Xander asked as he moved between her and the bedroom door.

“Chill, fluffy slipper man,” Faith said, catching a glimpse of his footwear as Xander tiptoed out of the kitchen before moving into a very defensive position, blocking her possible access to the bedroom. “I’m not here to wake up your sugar and have an “ex” heart to heart. Good choice, by the way. The chick has balls,” she said smiling. “I like a girl who knows what she wants. Seem to remember that was one of the things about us Slayer’s that turned you on.”

“Oh wait let me see … Nope, a psycho ex-Slayer roaming my apartment doesn’t tend to bring out my ‘host with the most’ manners, let alone the need to walk down memory lane. So how about you say whatever you have to say and get gone,” Xander said, trying to sound as forceful as he could, his insides forming that familiar jelly belly feeling he hated. Right now his major concern was Anya. He didn’t want her to wake up and find Faith in their apartment … he just knew that these two meeting … would be nothing but bad.

Faith had a moment of clarity. “Listen, toy boy, I’m real impressed with the whole ‘I’ve grown a backbone’ thing. Guess I never brought that out in you but we don’t have to get big with the reminiscing for this to work,” she said, setting her shoulders back and opening her arms as a sign that she did not intend anything aggressive. “I just need for you to let the B and Red in on the whole big point. That it’s not about the sex,” she started to turn and leave, having said what she had come here to say.

“So you’re here to tell me you placed a curse on them so that they’ll figure out that it’s all about the love. Forgive me if I don’t get all ‘woo hoo’ and grateful. You want me to believe you’ve changed, with life-changing experiences? Then don’t sneak up and curse my friends. Let me clue you in. Angel as your choice of ‘Psycho’s Anonymous’ sponsor doesn’t really score big with me. This just isn’t really your style, is it Faith?” Xander said somewhat amazed at the calmness of the ex-Slayer. Faith wasn’t rising to any of his baitings. She wasn’t even glaring at him. And as she turned her back on him, he realized he had questions … many questions … well no, really just one. “So why?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” Faith said as she opened the balcony door and turning back she offered Xander a small sincere smile before attempting to remove the frown that was now working its way to his forehead by adding, “Don’t fret lover boy. We’re five by five,” before she quietly closed the balcony door behind her.

Xander stood for a moment not quite believing he had just survived a personal visit from Faith, let alone that she had actually been polite. Giving in to his Scooby instincts, he headed for the bedroom to awaken Anya. They needed to get to the magic shop, to Giles – to Scooby Central.

* * * *

It was still very early in the morning and although the shop wasn’t yet open for business, quite a lot of work had already occurred. As Xander and Anya entered they found Giles pouring over books but there was no sign of Buffy or Willow. Anya, unaware of Faith’s early morning visit, didn’t notice Xander’s somewhat quiet behavior as they approached the ex-Watcher.

Xander was anxious to tell Giles about Faith’s visit but couldn’t figure out how without alerting Anya to the fact that Faith had been in their apartment. The possibility of Anya insecure and fretting really didn’t appeal to him right now.

“Ahh, you’re here. Good. Something rather important has occurred,” Giles explained, in his usually vague manner. Gesturing them to sit, he proceeded to share the highlights of last night’s revelations.

Xander sat half-listening while Anya, somewhat more awake, persisted in interrupting the explanation much to Giles’ annoyance. Finally he reached the ‘something rather important’ part - “So no moon-set, no morning star; no morning star, no dawn; no dawn, no sunrise.”

“Oh, great. Another apocalypse. This really doesn’t help business, you know,” Anya pointed out. “It’s un-American. Why can’t they just have sex and get their bodies back? Why is everyone making such a big deal about this?”

“It’s not really that simple … ” Giles attempted to explain only to be interrupted again by Anya.

“Oh, but it is. Women have been, you know, doing it with other women since the beginning of time. I understand it’s quite fulfilling and produces many moments of bliss. I could help,” she offered. Seeing Giles’ eyebrows rise and Xander’s suddenly very awake and interested look, she added “Now that sounded far more Lesbian than I intended. There are books I could order.”

“Honey, this is kinda Willow’s thing. I don’t think she’s really gonna be needing an instruction manual. Though I’d like to see …,” Xander stopped remembering Giles was in the room. “Later.” However, mentally he made note of a little idea he would mention to Anya later. Much later and alone.

“What I meant to say,” Giles said, interrupting and throwing Xander his best headmaster glare, “was that it appears that our original … interpretation of the curse, apart from being less than accurate … could possibly have led us to believe that certain acts… that is a certain theory … which required personal acts … appears to have been less than …” He floundered for the words and removing his glasses, he pressed his fingers to his forehead for inspiration. This was not a piece of news he really felt comfortable sharing. But judging from the reaction Willow had had once Buffy had told him, he felt that he couldn’t really expect them to go through it again with Xander and Anya.

“G-man, have you been overdoing the caffeine? Maybe you should stick to the tea,” Xander advised, grinning at the ex-Watcher with simple pleasure.

Giles glared at Xander for using the “G” word in addressing him yet again. “Thank you for your concern but my caffeine consumption is not at issue I can assure you. It’s just that having to have this whole conversation … somewhat less than comfortable,” he paused again, replacing his glasses. “It appears that Buffy and Willow’s attempt to … resolve the curse … That is to say …”

“Oh my god!” Xander exclaimed as it finally hit him. Unasked for mental images filled his head and a smile spread across his face. He found himself unable to hold back a rather high pitched giggle.

“They were unsuccessful,” Giles concluded, desperately wishing that the earth would open up and swallow him.

“Oh my god …” Xander repeated. His mouth fell open as he lost complete control of his mind and his eyes glazed over as he surrendered to the images filling his head. “Oh my…”

Anya looked from her fantasy-ridden boyfriend to the somewhat blushing Giles and shook her head, “Thank you very much. It will take me hours to get that smirk off his face.” She stood and moved towards the counter. Turning she asked, “Are you sure they did it right?”

Giles looked at her and for once he couldn’t think how to respond. He looked to Xander for help and then shook his head in amazement. Turning back to Anya he said the first thing that popped into his head, “Apparently there was a list.”

“There’s a list?” Xander piped up, coming out of his fantasy at break neck speed. “Oh this just gets keeps getting better and better. Heh heh heh. What kind of list?”

“Xander would like to see the list,” Anya said stating the obvious. “I would be interested to know if there are helpful diagrams. I foresee many nights of …”

Giles interrupted forcefully. “I really don’t think that’s going to happen and I would really appreciate it if this conversation could end now,” Giles said his voice becoming quite high pitched. As he stood and moved to the back of the shop, muttering, “No Watcher has ever had to put up with this … why me?”

* * * *

Faith switched channels desperately trying to find something on early morning television to grab her attention but her mind just couldn’t seem to hold still. She’d followed Xander and Anya to the magic box, relieved and hopeful that maybe her decision to approach Xander hadn’t been such a bad idea after all. She hadn’t even attempted to go back to bed. What would have been the point? She watched the clock, waiting until it was a civilized enough hour to call Cordelia.

She found it a little unsettling that she was so eager to call Queen C to check in with someone who seemed to care … not the big mushy stuff but sorta trusting and who gave it to her straight. This was new.

If you’d asked her what she thought of Cordelia when she first met her that night years ago in the Bronze, she would have said that the girl was a cheerleader fashion bitch destined to join all the right clubs and do nothing more than spend her husband’s hard earned money on plastic surgery and shoes for the rest of her lypo-suctioned life. What the devil she was doing with the Scoobies let alone Xander had escaped her at that time.

Yet now that she knew the woman Cordelia had become, she felt proud and protective. C had been through the ringer. Okay she had survived her early years on the Hellmouth – no mean feat in it’s self. But the huge fall from financially secure grace … that had to have hurt. And with no Danielle Steele to write her comeback she’d had to redesign her own future. But what impressed Faith the most was that she hadn’t just decided to take a different route to collagen luxury heaven as just about everyone had a right to expect she would. Nope, she went and changed her goals and her life completely … and the visions! Faith really couldn’t understand how Cordy wasn’t a bitter, neurotic, paranoid depressive woman on Valium. The girl had backbone.

Faith now knew that Queen C’s sharp tongue cleverly shielded her soft and sensitive hidden side and that she also had almost had much nerve as Faith herself. She really liked the girl and deep down inside she hoped, more than she thought she should, that Cordy liked her too. She knew that she didn’t deserve to have anyone in her corner although Angel had been a huge, if more than welcome. surprise. The guy had his own crosses and masses of guilt to bear. And, oh boy, could he brood. But she really understood where he was. Hell, she was there too.

But Cordy was … well she was mortal … fighting the fight but still laughing at life. Not always big with the self searching like Angel but so much more fun to banter with and a little easier on the eye. She could take on the role of buddy and yet never be a side kick. She didn’t make it easy for Faith but she did make it possible.

Faith had taken on this task to try to make it up to Buffy and Red because she owed them. But if she was honest with herself, there was a bonus. She could show Cordy that she was someone to be trusted, someone who finished what she started. She wanted Cordy to think well of her. It had become important.

Looking back up at the clock she saw it was just after eight. She rose, moved to the telephone, picked up the receiver and began to dial.

* * * *

Giles had been hiding in the basement for about half an hour when he heard footsteps on the stairs and his heart dropped in fear that it was Anya. Turning, he saw Xander’s builder’s boots stomping their way down the wooden staircase. “Xander, I really don’t want to talk anymore about …”

“S’okay, G-man. I’m not here to quiz you on the failed frolickings of Bullow and Wiffy.”

“Of whom? Will you please stop calling me that?” Giles asked before he could stop himself. “Ahh yes I see. You mean Buffy in Willow and Willow in Buffy. Yes. It’s some rather crude and no doubt intended to be humorous way of keeping who’s in whom straight.”

“You could say that,” Xander agreed, although grinning he couldn’t help adding, “Although straight? Who’s in whom? That’s the subject we’re avoiding, right?”

“Exactly!” Giles commented, his temper rising at Xander’s infantile comment.

“Sorry. Too easy,” he apologized. “Seriously though, I had a visit from Faith this morning.”

Giles’ annoyance immediately vanished, “Really? Are you two okay?”

“Yeah, no blood shed. Anya was still asleep during my early morning nightmare so she doesn’t know. Hoping to keep it that way,” he added. “Faith wanted to get me to help her. Something to the effect of ‘tell Red and Buffy that it’s not about the sex’. At first I thought she was going on about something more important, you know. But I guess that was just me being hopeful guy.”

“Did she say anything else? Give any clue as to why she’s doing this?” Giles asked his brow furrowed.

“I did ask. All I got was some cryptic ‘You wouldn’t believe me if I told you’ response.”

Giles turned away from Xander and after a moment or two he began to ‘tutt’.

“Hey, you know your making that noise, right?” Xander asked, somewhat puzzled by Giles’ actions. He was used to the ‘head in hand’ pose, the running of fingers through thinning hair, even the continual glass cleaning, but ‘tutting’ … that was new. Years of Scoobying had taught him one thing -- new normally meant bad.

“Yes, indeed. Xander, I need you to call Buffy and Willow. Get them here as soon as possible. I’m going to have to gather a few supplies.”

“Are we tooling up for a Faith hunt?” Xander asked. He really was looking forward to returning her early morning call … with some back up, of course.

“No. There’s no need for that. We have a far more powerful option available to us,” he ended cryptically.

Xander looked at him expectantly. “We do?”

* * * *

Buffy sat in Giles’ well-worn chair watching Willow meditate. Her stillness was impressive. She had calmed down a lot once Giles had left them alone. Buffy had decided it was probably best if they didn’t return to the dorm room so she had let Willow settle on the couch and moved to give her space. She hated that yet again she was the cause of pain for Willow. The guilt overwhelmed her entire being. She hated that she was getting so use to the terrible feeling.

It had taken a while for Willow to stop hyperventilating and Buffy had, at first, feared that there was something more wrong than just the cold shower of reality hitting her. But with the calmness had also come a silence that neither one of them seemed prepared to break. What exactly was the right thing to say? Someone should write a book entitled ‘Awkward Morning-After Right Things To Say’ or ‘How To Avoid Being Stupid And Misunderstood’ Buffy thought. She really could have used such a book this morning. Somehow she knew that what little she had said this morning had not only been inadequate but had probably hurt her best friend.

Buffy had wanted to talk to Willow to let her know that she too had suffered the cold realization that the bodies they had made love to had been their own. That the things they had done, they way they had felt was somehow all mixed up and nightmarish in its complexity. But she had no idea where to begin. So she had shoved all her worries and fears to the back of her mind as she so often did. Willow, however, didn’t seem to be able to disconnect from things like she could.

She watched her Willow closely and did something she rarely did. She closed her eyes and quietly murmured “Please God, or maybe Willow’s Goddesses, if Willow can’t love me like I love her – I can live with that. But please, please don’t let what we did last night ruin our friendship. I really need her and couldn’t survive without her.”

She thought about how in many ways before last night they had been strangers even though they had also been best friends. But last night they had shown each other a side of themselves that you didn’t usually get to show your best friend or anyone else. She had been in Willow’s body and had experienced its urges, all of her sensitive areas, the quiet verbal instructions and demands they had whispered and sometimes begged each other to follow. Caught up in the circular sharing that had taken place, Buffy’s mind swirled at how much she had learned about her Willow last night, how much she had learned about herself. She imagined Freud sitting in the corner, busily scribbling down notes with sheer excitement, a thousand theories and explanations for female behavior flooding his over-sized brain.

The phone rang, breaking her rather strange train of thought. Willow didn’t move an inch at the noise so Buffy stood and moved quickly to answer the phone’s shrill demand.

“Buffy?” she heard Xander question.

“Hi Xan,” she responded. She really hoped this wasn’t going to be one of those long ‘I’m like your big brother’ phone calls Xander seemed to be specializing in lately.

“The G-man says that you and Will need to get over here. He thinks it’s time for another Slayer ‘Vision Rod’ session. I know that may be the last thing you’re in the mood for but I hear we have a clock ticking,” Xander explained.

“Tell him we’ll be over when we’re ready,” Buffy informed him, unsure if Willow was really prepared for another vision quest. “No deadlines okay.”

“Okay, will do. You guys okay?” Xander asked, suppressing the eagerness in his voice as much as he could, the concern that his friends were okay coming before his natural curiosity as to how they were coping with the ‘morning after’.

Realizing that by now Giles had probably informed the gang of their failed attempt to break the curse and that Xander had obviously moved past the male hormone fantasy zone he was sure to have visited, she kept her response brief. “We’re getting there. See you when we see you.”

Hanging up the telephone, Buffy took a deep breath. ‘We are so gonna be an Oprah special.’ She had hoped that they would have a little longer before a public appearance would be required. But Xander was right. The new development in the curse situation had set a clock ticking. This was no longer just about them.

* * * *

Cordy pushed her empty yogurt carton into the practically overflowing garbage can and promised herself that she would do some spring cleaning this weekend. She’d been a bit of a slob lately. Having her apartment back to herself for the past few days had been great but having a roommate had made her tidier. She certainly hadn’t expected that she would miss Faith. ‘Go figure’.

As she placed her cup in the sink and reached to turn the hot tap on, her simple morning routine was interrupted by her telephone. She noticed the small wave of excited anticipation rising within her and it felt good as she dashed from the kitchen to the living room.

“Hi,” she said somewhat breathlessly as she picked up the receiver.

“C, you okay babe? Did I interrupt something?” Faith asked adding just enough sauce to her comment to make it clear what she was referring to.

“Yeah I’m fine! I was just on the wrong side of the apartment when the phone rang,” Cordy explained, now feeling somewhat foolish for running to the phone.

“Right. So … how you doing?” Faith asked lamely.

“Okay. How goes the matchmaking?” Cordy asked.

“Not too good,” Faith responded suddenly feeling somewhat a failure. “Wrinkles being ironed, if you get me.”

“I get you,” Cordy responded.

“Guess you do,” Faith commented before she could stop herself. ‘Damn this girl's too good to be true,’ she thought. “I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, C, but I didn’t realize how dumb the love struck duo was. It’s like everyone else knows how much they mean to each other but they missed the memo. So … any news on the mission impossible squad?”

“ Nope, nothing yet,” Cordy informed her, adding “But I wasn’t really expecting to see them for a while” to ease any fears Faith might be having.

“Cool. Well, I was just thinking … if you were up for a field trip … you know revisit the beginning … a Sunnydale reunion type gig?” Faith asked. “If you’re getting fed up with the aloneness, that is.”

Concerned and a little touched by Faith’s invitation, Cordy asked “What’s up? Is there something you need my help with? Has something gone wrong?”

“No, it’s all five by five here,” Faith responded, a little less certain of what she was saying than she liked to be. She wasn’t really big with the idea of letting C know that smoothly didn’t really describe how the plan was going. “Body switch all in play. Closeness visible. Touching kinda. They’re on the road. The Orb thing was the hard part but that’s over.”

“Why do you think the Mayor left you that anyway?” Cordy asked.

“Guess he thought it would give me a new start. You know, steal someone else’s life and live it big. He was never really big into the morality stuff that would hit with stealing someone else’s body,” Faith said, her voice becoming a little wistful. “Guess the new and improved me wasn’t part of his plan.”

“You threw a few people with that one,” Cordelia confirmed, knowing that she too had been among the non-believers until quite recently.

“It’s real you know,” Faith said quietly, feeling the need to remind her.

“I know. I get it. Took me a while but do I get it,” Cordy assured her. “So you’re okay?”

“I’m dealing,” said Faith, touched by Cordy’s concern. It was nice having someone to worry about you.

“You sure? It’s not like you to want a side kick.” Cordy queried. She was still a little unnerved by Faith’s invitation.

“Don’t get all ‘big sis’ knickers in a twist’ on me. I just thought you might like a little … some down time. Kinda got used to having you around. Weird, huh?” Faith laughed, brushing her invitation aside. “No big if you’re not into going back to your roots.”

“Okay. Nice to be asked though. Sorta missing you too. Mega weird,” She stated feeling like she was back in high school all over again. “I had hot water this morning,” Cordelia quickly added, changing the topic.

“Right. Bet you’re pigging out on that yogurt crap instead of a proper breakfast. Don’t know why you bother. Demon fighting --- pretty much the best cardio you can get,” Faith said, lightening the mood of their conversation.

“Yeah, it’s all the running away. Great for the tone,” Cordy responded. “So you’re good?”

“My tone’s fine but thanks for asking,” Faith quipped. “How’s yours?”

“Good,” Cordy replied, laughing. Everything Faith said seemed to have two meanings lately. If she didn’t know better she would have sworn Faith was flirting but she knew that with Faith everything came down to sex eventually. The girl was a walking talking erogenous zone.

“Okay, catch you tomorrow,” Faith said, closing the call down on a light note.

“Cool. Thanks for checking in,” Cordy said, really meaning it.

“My pleasure,” Faith responded a little more sincerely than she had intended before she replaced the receiver.

* * * *

Willow was in her ‘calm’ place. Tara had taught her how to find it and for that she had never been more grateful. Last night had come into such sharp focus that she had almost had a way big freak-out heart attack. Images had crowded into her head showing her who had been who, who had done what to whom and how. She’d never been really big with the viewing porn and the pictures in her head really had done nothing to change that. ‘How and when did it all go so wrong?’ she asked herself.

Calling on her peaceful place she slowly revisited yesterday morning’s conversation with Buffy. It had all seemed so logical, so safe. They had planned, talked about … well almost everything. She had even come back to read the list from Kira. Okay she’d been a bit quiet but that hadn’t really worried Will. They had discussed getting the ‘wiggins’ over sleeping with each other and had even talked about the body switch aspect of it, if only briefly. Willow had hoped for a night full of legendary and beautiful memories that she could run to in her darkest moments of unrequited love. But now instead of the sweet memories that had visited her this morning, all she had was a very wrong mix of who had done what to whom. She remembered the wonderful taste of Buffy, something like strawberries but it hadn’t been Buffy she tasted it had been … herself! She remembered so much, so many touches, licks, kisses but they had all been wrong … so very wrong. ‘I’m bad – so very bad. I don’t even think there’s a bad that’s bad enough to cover this.’

She felt her pulse beginning to race again. She reached for the core of her being, feeling like she was drowning. Holding on firmly to who she was, she was able to pull herself together. ‘We were both very stupid to think that just turning out the lights would make it less weird and freaky … would make everything alright.’ She had seen in Buffy’s eyes confirmation that these very same thoughts and realizations had hit her too. That sort of explained her sudden coldness this morning. Only she seemed to be handling it so much better. ‘I’m such a spaz. It’s not that big a deal. So deal with it. If Buffy can do it so can I’ she mentally yelled at herself suddenly feeling like a motivational speaker. She hadn’t thought of herself as naive and unworldly since leaving high school but it all came rushing back at the realization that having touched and tasted .. well … herself ... was freaking her out the most.

Buffy had obviously anticipated the weirdness far more than she. But it suddenly occurred to her that maybe touching yourself wasn’t as wrong or as a rare a thing as she believed. ‘Maybe Buffy’s already … you know … and that’s not what actual wigged her. What if it was the whole sleeping with a woman ‘wiggins’ … that was why she looked like so upset.’

She really wished she could just forget last night, wipe it from both of their minds.

Chapter 14

Giles sat, supposedly, engrossed in his journal but his mind was truly elsewhere. Xander’s early morning visit from Faith was weighing heavily on his mind. ‘What is that silly girl up to?’ he wondered. He rather wanted to believe that Faith had changed, that Angel’s guidance had indeed helped. That she had rediscovered her place in humanity and, with it, the value of each human life. That she was choosing to seek a path to redemption. But his Watcher instincts couldn’t allow him to take the risk of believing that the hidden curse within a curse wasn’t her damaged mind’s version of homage - possibly to the Mayor and his original plan for mankind. She wouldn’t be the first person to consider ending the world as the only solution to their problems. So here he was re-reading his very first year’s worth of entries.

He smiled at his some of his comments about Buffy having friends. ‘God what a Council cloned prig I was.’ He felt more than foolish that he had ever considered Willow and Xander as only an annoyance, distracting the Slayer from her calling. If he was to be asked today why Buffy had become the most successful and committed Slayer of her time, he would have no compunction in placing almost all of the credit on her decision to surround herself with strong, brave, big-hearted and faithful friends. They had, somewhere over the years, become a family and an army against darkness and evil. Acknowledging his love, pride and concern for his acquired family, he was also fully aware of the weaknesses that came with the strengths their group provided.

He had watched each member of the group grow and mature over years but he had to admit to himself, even though he never intended to say it out loud, that he had been the most surprised by Xander. Most people would have thought that was because he had seemed set to be a drop out and nothing more. But Giles had watched him becoming the big brother to both women, a role that fitted him like a glove. He had allowed them to remove him from part of their friendship with a chivalry beyond his years. Yet he was always within hearing when they needed him. Giles was amazed at how selfless Xander had been in his support of Buffy and, especially, Willow. He’d watched his childhood friend move from his side to become a potentially very powerful witch and sincere warrior in her own right. Giles was unsure he would have behaved as well had his peers surpassed him and left him behind in, oh, so many ways.

So it really shouldn’t have been such a surprise to him when he saw that Xander seemed to be accepting of this new twist in their friendship. To see his best friends literally walking in each other’s shoes, in fact in each other’s bodies, and be able to take it all in his stride was truly impressive. He even seemed to understand the myriad of dimensions involved. Giles almost wanted to start a journal on Xander to try and figure out how he seemed to have all the qualities of an immature male and yet at the same time have such great potential, strength and understanding.

Even Faith had chosen Xander to approach rather than coming to him. ‘Lets be honest old chap, you’ve never been really that comfortable talking about your feelings, let alone to pubescent teens. You set the tone years ago,’ he chastised himself, feeling that he had indeed become his father despite his best efforts not to.

“Okay G-man. Job done. Buffy said they’ll be here when their ready,” Xander said, interrupting his thoughts. “I figure there’s still mega post … you know … girl talk to be had.”

Giles nodded and then against his better judgment he asked, “Xander, is there something about Buffy and Willow … that I should know?”

“What d’you mean?” Xander asked cagily.

“I just have this irritating feeling that as usual I’ve been left out of the loop on something relating to … arrhmm … something important. It seems you may be aware of factors that I’m … missing,” Giles admitted, feeling somewhat uncomfortable but certain that there was something he needed to know. Staring at Xander’s stony features he continued, “Something that you know, something that I should take into consideration before I determine how best to direct our efforts. I know you all enjoy reminding me of the generation gap by leaving me out of certain parts of your lives and most of the time I have to admit I’m more than happy to be ignorant of the lurid details. But I can sense that on this occasion I’m missing something important. In this kind of situation I firmly believe that important decisions shouldn’t be made without all the facts or … mistakes may be made that we will all live to regret … or not,” he finished.

“It’s not so much a fact as kinda a ‘two weeks’ notice thing,” Xander said cryptically. “There’s a secret … sorta ‘true lies’ but without the airplane.”

“Xander! You know I don’t have a clue to what you are referring,” Giles stated, somewhat annoyed that Xander was being so evasive.

Just then Anya, realizing that she was missing something potentially interesting, decided to join them by sitting down beside Giles with her annoying ‘I know what Xander is going on about so let me bask here in my boyfriend’s amazing wonderfulness’ smile.

Xander smirked at the frustrated frown that he had raised on Giles’ brow. ‘This is fun.’ And the worship of his Anya was always of the good. “It’s kinda a big lie they’re both telling … to themselves and each other – that they’re just friends,” he raised his eyebrows as if his words had explained it all. But what he got back was a completely blank look. “That all they are -- is best friends. You know?” he tried again a little more slowly.

“Quite clearly, I do not,” Giles said, his tone becoming sharp.

“It’s like they’re all big with the denial and the blindness but from the outside it’s obvious. You know how when you get real close to the TV all you see is dots. Well they’re the dots. But I’m like TV-watching guy and I’m sitting far enough from the screen that I can see the picture the dots make,” Xander explained, again receiving nothing but a frown from the Watcher. “I see the way they are with each other, the looks they throw at each other when they think others can’t see them. But I see them. The little slips, the hidden thoughts on faces that don’t know how to hide their thoughts. It’s like subplot. It didn’t really come into sharp focus … the picture I mean … until this body swap. But then … geez, you had to blind not to see it.”

“Xander!” Giles interrupted in frustration. “Will you just get to the point? It must be patently obvious by now that I can not decipher your analogies. See what? What do you see?”

“They’re in love,” Anya stated unable to keep quiet any longer. But her words just seemed to make Giles’ sharply turn his head and stare at her until his eyes became inordinately large. So she added, “with each other.” Looking up at Xander she saw that oh too familiar ‘glare’. “What?”

“Stealing my thunder, much?” he commented irritably.

“He was taking too long to get it,” Anya protested in her defense. Then turning back to Giles and she added, “Buffy doesn’t think Willow loves her … that way and Willow thinks Buffy’s straight.”

Giles stared back and forth at Anya and then Xander, trying to take in what he had just been told. “They’re … are you certain?” Giles asked before he could stop himself.

“As certain as I can be. Think about it,” Xander advised him.

“Yes think about it. Xander likes to think about it,” Anya advised. “But he knows he can only have sex with me.”

“Anya!” Xander yelled, although you could see he didn’t really expect her to understand why.

“What?”

“I … but when … how did this … how could I have missed this?” interrupted Giles, before falling into silence and dropping his eyes towards the floor.

“It’s not that surprising really. Remember when Willow was doing the slow ‘Ellen run’ up to her coming out scene? I mean no one guessed,” Xander piped up, trying to soothe the Watcher’s ego.

“I don’t know why Willow thinks Buffy’s straight. I mean in what twisted world would the “Powers That Be” make the good guys … okay good girls … a lesbian witch with a straight female who is more powerful than your strongest male best friend. I mean, professionally speaking, that sounds more like a curse to me,” Anya said, changing the subject back to her earlier comments. “Hello --- and Buffy … there’s all the black, and the way she loves her axe and the occasional leather. Oooh and stakes! Talk about a penis replacement. Talk about missing the sub plot here. I knew these two girls in Greece … back in the day … you wouldn’t believe how long it took them to get … ”

At this point Giles stopped listening to Anya and Xander. Instead he took their theory, now knowledge, and weighed it in his mind. It seemed real. None of his usual “this is a load of old twaddle” radar was going off. ‘Oh my God.’ He suddenly wished he hadn’t asked. This was going to make matters more complicated than ever. It was as if he’d been watching a completely different story from everyone else. He’d managed with Buffy’s teenage fixations on boys. He’d even resigned himself to Angel. But this … well he was out of his depth and drowning seemed almost acceptable.

* * * *

Buffy followed Willow into the Magic Box. Their journey having taken place in relative silence, she still had little or no idea exactly what Willow was feeling about last night. This freaked her out more than anything else; even the knowledge that everyone in this room now knew what they had tried last night.

“Ahh, you’re here. Good. We can get on with it,” Giles commented offering both women a small smile. “It is imperative, in my opinion, that we take advantage of all the additional information we can ostensibly by using the vision rod. We need to know the exact origins of this curse or, to be more precise, the curse within the curse. Now recent events … aarhmmm … may have proved our past interpretations to have been … a little off the mark. But I don’t think we can let this dissuade us from proceeding.”

“Okay. Back to the magic stick we go,” Buffy agreed, eager to do anything that involved not talking about last night. She watched Willow, out of the corner of her eye, sit on the stairs that led up to the restricted book section. She seemed so vulnerable, so hurt. Pain filled her heart and she wished with all her soul that she could go back in time and knock Faith out before all of this began. ‘I’m gonna show you a world of hurt when I find you Faith. You will wish you were still in a coma,’ she mentally promised.

Xander couldn’t take his eyes off them. ‘What the hell’s going on here?’ Wiffy was half herself and half an injured little girl, a somewhat familiar little girl. He had a sudden flash back to kindergarten when Willow had broken the yellow crayon and had been far too scared to tell anyone. What he was seeing on Willow’s ‘Buffy’ face was that ‘yellow crayon’ look. However Bullow’s anger levels were off the scale. That look on Buffy’s ‘Willow’ face was just way too easy to read but she was holding something else in. He could feel it and even though she was at least six feet from Willow he could almost see the protective shield she was attempting to throw around her best friend.

Bullow’s protectiveness made him feel slightly ashamed as he knew that part of the reason she was being so protective was her fear of what he or Anya might say. After Giles had updated them, his first thought had been of this moment, anticipating much humor, practicing of puns and innuendos but eventually he’d realized that some cheap shots were just that and nothing more. His earlier call to Buffy had really brought things home to him as her tone had kinda yelled ‘I will not be bringing my sense of humor.’

He’d been so right to give Anya a very detailed social etiquette talk, especially emphasizing that there should be no questions, digs or side comments relating to last night’s failed attempt to end the curse. At first she had protested, pointing out that sex was a natural human act and that ‘to remove all sex talk or reference to it was un-American!’ Feeling brave he had actually asked – ‘why?’ Anya informed him that the desire for sex, conversations about acquiring sex and research into acquiring sex were the main reasons many of her customers came to their shop. Xander at first did nothing but pull his goldfish face on [opening and closing his mouth without anything coming out] until eventually he recovered and pointed out that neither Willow nor Buffy were customers. They were friends. Anya agreed since they never paid for anything.

Willow could feel the weight of the silence as she sat on the stairs. She noted that Anya was avoiding all eye contact and that Xander seemed lost in thought, thoughts that seemed to be making him smile. She suddenly felt really annoyed. ‘Couldn’t he have got all his fantasizing done before we turned up?’

“So when do we start?” Buffy asked.

“Now seems as good a time as any. Anya can you mind the store?” Giles asked, somewhat eager to remove the ex-demon and her bluntness from the now somewhat delicate mix.

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